Reframing thoughts

[YlangYlangYlangYlang]

Good afternoon. I haven't ventured on to the Mental Health forum before, and have spotted the anxiety thread so will keep an eye on that as I think it will really help me. I was diagnosed with GAD 2 years ago, and had 6 months of sertraline which got me back to a better place and more capable of trying to help myself, along with a short course of counselling, and some online CBT. I also changed job from an awful colleague situation to a brilliant team and much more 'me' job - so lucky. So much better than when I had that 'crisis'.

But I find I'm really having to work at not being overwhelmed and just not convinced by it all... one of the things that really gets to me is that the CBT really encouraged reframing your thoughts - so recognising if you were black/white thinking, catastrophising, etc, and reframing it. Everything I read seems to be saying this too. But this feels to me like not believing my feelings or what is being said to/about me. So if someone says something that 'cuts' me, to avoid plummeting into a spiral of misery I'm supposed to see that it's not such a bad thing/ they didn't mean it like that/ it's just me giving it negative meaning. If I do it, yes, it gets brushed under the carpet, and I just feel like I'm having to hide how miserable I feel to keep everyone else happy. I feel like I'm all wrong and that my perception of things is wrong. And that I just have to suck it up and forgive everyone... I don't know if I'm explaining this well at all. I'm not really doing so well at the moment, if I'm honest, but there's no one I can talk to and everything is beginning to pile up again and I don't want to let it. Just wondered if anyone could help me see this reframing in a different light - I'm missing the point, aren't I?

I think it's more about accepting it and realising it doesn't actually mean it's true. If someone says a stupid comment, they might not realise how it sounds or they might be wrong in what they think. And so what? Of course you can be annoyed at someone or upset by what they say, but there is a middle line between what is normal upset and what is unhealthily so. Also you really can't read people's thoughts so why interpret it in that way?

Yes, but some people, you do discuss with them what their thoughts are, and they tell you they think you are horrible/lazy/having a go at them.

But I do get what you are saying. I was hugely helped by something I read (a story of sitting in a cafe, trying to assist another customer, being rebuffed, and thinking well I was doing it from a good place and trying to be helpful) about sticking by your own values, knowing your own truth, not being responsible for other people's thoughts/views.

I guess I've got a problem with one particular person, and it colours my whole thoughts. Wears me down. And I know that they think badly of me, because they've told me, and I can't move them out of my life.

I suppose what I can do is try to get more validation from myself, and that's what the reframing is about, right? I know I'm not being horrible. And not let their comments bring me down. It's so hard though. I like your viewing it as normal upset and unhealthy upset. That is helpful. Thank you.