Feeling so alone

[Samlou78]

I suffer with bad anxiety and depression. At the moment I'm having a really bad time, and will admit here that I've wished I could end it all lately because it's too much to cope with.
I just feel so alone. My mum brushes off my mental health as doesn't believe in it so I can't talk to her and everyone else (sister, friends) just act like I'm being dramatic and then ignore me.
I feel isolated, unloved and like absolutely nobody gives a shit about me. Although I have my own mental health problems I'm always there for other people but I don't receive the same in return.
As a result I now feel angry with them all for ditching me when I need them.
I know if I had a friend or family member that was brave enough to tell me they felt suicidal I'd be there for them but nobody takes me seriously.
Everyone makes a big thing about mental health and its important to talk to people about it but in my experience nobody wants to know when you feel that way.
I'm terrified of feeling this way for the rest of my life but no idea how it will ever go away. I don't feel I matter to anyone and that's the worst feeling.

I used to feel like this when I was younger and the only thing that helped properly is talking to a trained counsellor. I was on benefits with three children, a non paying ex and undiagnosed chronic ill health put down to depression. I cleaned houses for cash in hand to pay my counsellor and it did help. I’m not saying this to say I had it worse, only to say counselling really helped. Friends get fed up with one’s woes and it’s the best feeling to dump it all out and then walk away. You don’t have to hold back because it’s a friend, or your mum, you can say everything and stop carrying it about.
Now that google is available, look up auto immune disorders and check if any fit. You don’t need to tell a dr what you think you might have, because it’s much easier to dismiss you with anti depressants, but do tell the main symptoms to guide them to do some blood tests. You need to rule out any physical illnesses. Do it for yourself, your future self will thank you for it. Bad mental health is the very pits, sending you a hug and some 💐