Being friends with with someone with depression

[musicalquiz]

Hello,

I'd really appreciate any help you can give. My best friend has suffered with depression for a long time.

When she is particularly depressed she withdraws a lot. She won't get in touch, won't reply to texts, doesn't answer the phone etc. It's not just with me, she'll be completely silent in group texts too. Then suddenly out of the blue I might get a request to go and meet her for a walk.

I know she's really struggling and I try to send "non-pressured" messages that don't need a reply such as "Hope you're ok, I've been thinking of you a lot x".

Lately I've been struggling a bit myself and I'm finding it really hard just never hearing from her. I also feel I can't really offload my sadness or worries on to her when we do speak as she already has so much on her plate.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? I don't want to give up on our friendship but I'm finding it so hard just being ignored by her.

Can you talk honestly (and kindly of course) with her about how you’re feeling? Otherwise you need to find your support elsewhere and just be there for her on the occasions she does feel up to seeing you.

I’ve been there OP and it is a one way street. Soon you realise you get nothing from the friendship as it is always on their terms. I ended up withdrawing from the friendship.

I am guilty of behaving like your friend if I’m honest but if someone really needed me I would be in contact. Do you know for definite you can’t offload to her? Ie if you messaged her and said I’m really struggling can we speak today or tomorrow do you know what the answer would be?