Help - 11 year old DD started cutting wrists

[Confuzzled2020]

My DD has always been an anxious type and the last year has been horrendous. Lockdown, secondary school entrance exams and one of her club leaders committed suicide. She is hating year 6 and the violence and bullying post lockdown. I've tried persuading her to see a councillor but she is adamant she doesnt want to share with a stranger. She hates meditation and yoga etc. Now she has started cutting her wrists and I honestly dont know what to do. Please help.

Sorry to hear this. Call your GP and get a referral to CAMHS.

Sorry to hear this, being someone who once harmed as a child & adult it often comes about when we can’t/don’t know how to deal with stress.
She is possibly feeling overwhelmed & stressed with everything going on.
It may be a good idea to sit down with her and list on paper all the things bothering her and tackle them one by one. This way she not only feels she isn’t alone but also it helps teach her a way to deal with things going forward when they feel too overwhelming.
I know sometimes when I do this I see there were as many things as I thought that were an issue.
Good luck x

Is violence and bullying happening at school? If so, you need to be urgently addressing it. No one can withstand daily violence and bullying and not suffer mental health wise. Counselling is all well and good to deal with the aftermath of such trauma, but the #1 priority should be getting your daughter into a safe violence and bullying free environment.

People who cut their wrists (opposed to cutting in a more hidden place) do so in an attention seeking 'cry for help' way. She wants help even if she denies it. I wouldn't discuss with her and persuade her to see a counseller I would take charge and take her at least the first time. What she thinks counselling is and what it actually is are likely to be two different things, once she's been once she might be happy to go again, walking through the door for the first time is often a scary prospect. See if there is a Young Minds group in the area too, group sessions can help her feel like she's not alone. Let the school know too then they can keep any sharps out of the way.

It's scary when it happens to your child but unfortunately schools will be used to dealing with it.

Thanks all. I have heard the waiting lists for CAMHS are horrendous at the moment so it might be worth going private. I am going to talk to the headmaster next week to see what the school can do about the constant misbehaviour in the classroom. The violence isn't against her its more aimed at the boys but it really impacts her. I am also considering pulling her out of school for this last term.

So sorry to hear this, it must be so hard as her mother to see and deal with. Have you tried asking her how she’s feeling when she self harms? Not in a way that seems as if you are telling her off. Just to try and understand what it is that is triggers the harming instinct.

I don’t have any tips for speeding up CAMHS referrals but others might.

Have you spoken to school, my dd was havIng suicidal thoughts at the same age and SENCO sent home loads of resources and offered to organise a counsellor in school (although my child went onto receive support through SS as she was an adopted child and could access more long term support that way). The school did loads though, allocating her a teacher she could go to for support and a safe space she could go to in school if she felt overwhelmed. They were able to support her transition to secondary school and ensure support was available there as well. They also gave me a lot of informal support as well which was really needed.

Sorry I just re read your post that she doesn't want to see a counsellor. What about family work, where the counsellor supports you to support her.

Witnessing violence can be very traumatic. There are BBC reporters that have PTSD just from reporting on and seeing video footage or photos on already hapoened, they weren’t even there to see it happen violent events. Your DD is physically present in real life with violence occurring around her....don’t let any one minimise the impact that can have.

If you can afford it, definitely go private. I know I suggested CAMHS up ahead but they're so stretched it really depends on your area.

I'd be tempted to pull her out of school too, and have a fresh start in secondary.

Would she feel happier talking to a counselling online? Worth checking whether something like “kooth” is available in your area.
www.kooth.com/