Public Speaking/ being Highly Sensitive (career impact)

[YouCanCallMeBob]

Hi all, I'm a regular NC in need of help. I've recently been promoted to a role within my organisation that requires a hard earned professional qualification.

Turns out there is more frequent public speaking involved than I thought, and with much larger groups. My panic is rising already at the prospect of this and I feel that this issue is going to push me to resign/ ask for a transfer to a different role if I don't sort this out.

I think this is part of a bigger picture for me, tbh as I recently heard a podcast about the idea that some people are considered Highly Sensitive. It just seems to fit my over thinking, intense way of being!

It's such a bore and is now affecting my career and life choices in a way that it hasn't previously (as I've always been drawn to working in small teams in the past so the problem has been masked to some extent).

Can anyone recommend any therapies that might help me deal with these two separate (but linked ) challenges?

Feeling so down and defeated about this. We are all working from home right now, as well so feeling lonely just allows more overthinking time.

If I don't sort this out, I'll end up resigning before be go back to face to face working.

Although maybe I should just resign and just accept that the role is not right for me.

Any advice?

TIA x

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I can't recommend anything but I understand where you're coming from, as I had similar issues & turned down at least two opportunities to do things career-wise I would've otherwise loved due to those issues. I don't regret as at the time those pressures would've finished me because in my case, the issues originated from very deep-seated MH problems which I eventually sorted out but it was rather involved and not a quick fix. So I would ask you if you think there's anything in your background that might need more work, otherwise you might it find it very stressful dealing with that and demanding aspects of a new post.

The other thing to consider is if there's any possibility you could have ASD as there are obvious overlaps with being highly sensitive. If you were and it was formally diagnosed, it should be easier to get the workplace on board.

I could have written your post myself OP. I am exactly the same and it got to the point where I was so fearful that I had to point blank tell my boss that I could not do it. So unfortunately, I can't offer any useful advice, but I really hope you are able to address it as I know the fear is crippling. Ultimately I stayed in my job but people are just aware that I don't do public speaking.

Haunted and Blue, I’m so grateful for your kind words. It’s good to know that I’m not alone but I’m sorry for your struggles.

I think I’m just wired as a very sensitive person overthinking person- my mum is and my (young adult) DD1 are the same.

Haunted, it’s definitely not ASC and in fact my people skills are very strong and I’m articulate and very talkative in real life. If anything this makes the fear of public speaking more embarrassing as it so unexpected given that in so many situations I actually socially confident.

I can trace the fear back to an event in sixth form, I think. I think that’s often how phobias start- from a bad experience. But I don’t know what predisposed me to that bad experience in the first place.

I had a long talk to DH earlier and think I have made peace with the fact that I may have to resign as there are additional aspects of the role that just feel overwhelming. I was already struggling a bit tbh and then the extent of the public speaking became apparent and it’s probably the nail in the coffin for this job.

I did read online about NLP and hypnosis but am not sure I need to put myself through this at all.

There isn't many people that like public speaking. I certainly don't and have to do it as part of my job and training development all the time. At first I sounded like a machine gun on automatic but now, I still get the nerves and panic prior but as long as I know what I'm talking about I usually start off wobbly and then settle into it.

I've been doing it for for over 20yrs and still feel the dread and panic rising, the burning face, sweaty palms etc. You say you know where it stems from so maybe it's more a confidence issue rather than a phobia?

Thanks Combat, it’s definitely a phobia. I should’ve said in my OP but I did a fear of public speaking course a few years ago to enable me to cope with very small group training - before that I just point blank refused and visualised absolute catastrophe. So I suppose my current fear is a past phobia that has improved a little but still fills me with utter dread. Perhaps if I could practice daily for months I’d get over it but I’m unable have the level of ‘exposure’ to really conquer the fear :( so was wondering about other therapies.

Ah OK, I understand your original post a bit better now. Well we know that phobias can be overcome so I guess it's finding what works for you. Did the workshop that you done previously delve into the incident that caused it?

The brain is a very complex thing but yours reminds me of trauma symptoms (not in anyway suggesting you have PTSD or anything but the process is similar) and part of therapy is to deal with the actual events that our brains have been too scared to process. Once processed that event fades into a memory and the physical effects along with it. I hope that makes sense 🤔

I can relate. I have ambitions but my anxiety sabotages them. So i’m watching this for tips.
Biggest issue for me is that my anxiety has visible physical effects, public speaking leaves me red in the face, my neck tenses up to the point my head starts trembling and i anticipate it so it happens even more often. I always expect that people judge me and don’t like me, that doesnt help.
In fact, at times i feel symptoms of dissociation in such situations, like i’m watching myself from aside and just crumble to bits.
Past trauma is probably at the core altough not a single even but more a case of being in mildly traumatising environment for too long when growing up.
I can handle technical presentations where the attention is on the subject, anything requiring likeability from the public has me in bits as i have deep seated fear of being judged and disliked.

Sorry for a highjack... if there was a magic pill to solve this i’d take it. I had counselling about this but didn’t get much out of it. Perhaps there were too many issues running in parralel and i didn’t address it properly.
Hope you will find a way through this, seems a shame to give up on opportunity because of this. Perhaps the key is ‘face the fear and do it anyways’ although i always found facing that fear very painful to deal with and demoralising.

This is also me. I’m also very socially confident but with an absolute phobia of public speaking which has held me back career wise

Toast masters (years ago) did help although it was painful

But beta blockers have been a game changer for me. Literally life changing. I take one 20 mins before and all the ghastly physical symptoms are gone - the palpiations, voice drying up and utter terror. I honestly wish someone had told me this in my 20s. Would have saved me years of sleepless nights!

Sorry to hear this OP, I can relate but I’m also a very shy person in general.
CBT has some what helped with my anxiety (I manage small every day tasks much better now) but unfortunately it hasn’t helped with ‘larger’ anxiety provoking tasks like public speaking. Your mileage may vary though

Have you tried Propranolol medication? It can be used for situational anxiety

@Roonerspismed can i ask how do you get beta blockers, would GP prescribe them
for situational anxiety? I’m on fluoxetine for other reasons but they only ever take the edge off, not very helpful in high stress situations.

Yes they will

I asked my GP in my 20s and she declined and in hindsight I should have pressed her and told her my real situation. I have never needed medication for anything.

So five years ago I went back and instantly got them. I only take one every six months or so so it’s hardly a big deal yet for me - gamechanger. Good luck

I’ve found my people. I can relate to so much of what you’re all saying!

I didn’t know about Toast masters but have taken the plunge and registered for an online meeting. Thanks so much for that tip , Rooner. Even if I don’t continue with this specific role and its training delivery requirement, I would still have to lead small team meetings from time to time in alternative roles so it should help with that aspect.

Interestingly, I was offered beta blockers for heart palpitations that were investigated last autumn. They came on in the summer and they kept me in overnight at hospital (it wasn’t stress related / no obvious trigger). I said no as they were optional and symptoms have calmed down ( despite my current stress!) so it’s a purely physical thing, I think. Anyway, I’d have no problem getting a prescription.

Cat, I also get physical symptoms. But for me it’s mainly hyperventilating abs dry mouth. The breathing is the thing I catastrophise about as I imagine it getting worse and worse until I am forced to flee the room.

I had got better with this following a full day public speaking course but a few years later did a presentation to a group of 20 on my postgraduate course and the lecture theatre setting spooked me. I definitely seemed nervous all the way through and this has planted the idea in my head that I can’t do it any more abs that previous progress has been lost/undone.

Would beta blockers help with breathing regulation, do you know?

I definitely think CBT could help in general with my unhelpful thinking, ASD99 but I need to target the public speaking very specifically I think.

Your kind words are helping me more than you know. Your advice is giving me a focus and helping me see the possibility of a positive outcome (that doesn’t involve handing in my notice after 2 months and leaving under a cloud of shame, my career in tatters). Ha! Those kind of thoughts are definitely CBT territory, aren’t they?!

You are just like me. Do you feel like literally you will not be able to breathe, your voice goes high and then you will have no option but to stop speaking? And the terror of that thought means the palpiations are like a machine gun in your chest

Over the years and before the beta blockers I did actually improve.

Initially I used to sweat and have palpitations before our tiny team meetings. I would dread them. Interestingly no one noticed. I then was asked to present to our department and I thought i would die with the fright. I decided the worst thing that could actually happen would be I would have to say I didn’t feel well and stop so I said yes. I was fine even if I felt utterly terrified before. People always tell me what a confident speaker I am

So I was improving in tiny incremental stages. Over ten years I became nearly fine at small team meetings but as soon as new comers were there or it was a large room I would struggle. I hate being stared at - it’s the judgement I think

The beta blockers help me with everything. With me I think it’s the adrenaline release and they stop the cells receiving it. So I don’t get the palpitations or weird voice issue

I am also a musician (cello) and lots of musicians take them to control the shaking. I discovered by luck that they could help with the speaking too

Can I ask - did you have low grade stressful childhoods? I did and I feel that I have a heightened response to adrenaline and it has manifested this way

Interestingly I generally mask it and people tell me how confident I am which I find hilarious. I’m also not generally anxious about social situations or driving or generally living my life but I am an over thinker

Rooner, it’s very moving to read about your experiences.

I definitely had a very dysfunctional childhood. There was plenty of maternal love and nurture, which was a protective factor I suppose but there were also some very toxic situations and abusive individuals who were (ironically) brought into our lives as a result of my mother’s naivety. Examples- I witnessed domestic abuse but wasn’t hit. I was living with very damaged and troubled brothers who were abused but was never abused myself. Maybe this has predisposed me to some of my difficulties. Who knows.

I certainly have a clear tipping point at which stress and worry overwhelm me a way that I suspect most people don’t have. Poor dh certainly doesn’t abs deserves a medal medal putting up with me!

So when the stress of something like the public speaking looms, it fills all available thinking time. For weeks or even months. Like I can’t imagine a life where it’s over with. Like dreading exams or a driving test.

Does that make sense?

I’m definitely going to try the beta blockers as having a solution would keep the anticipatory worried at bay.

One question though, how do i put beta blockers to the test if the event that I’m obsessing about is in three month’s time for instance, I’m still going to worry that beta blockers might not work so will still have 3 months’ worry to contend with!! I’d still rather resign than face that ...

Thank you OP for starting this thread- it's been so helpful to read that other people feel this way. If I'm ever in an unavoidable public speaking situation again, I'm going try to get Beta blockers. My heart beats out of my chest in those situations and the adrenaline makes me start swaying so I think they'd help with that. But part of the issue for me is that I think sound like an idiot and get so distracted with how I sound that I keep losing my train of thought. I am honestly a wreck. I'm not sure even beta blockers will be enough! Funnily enough I think I could possibly stand up in a room and speak to the people on this thread, since I know you would all empathise and not judge!

FWIW OP, I think you will be able to overcome it if it is a regular part of your job as it will get easier each time. I really hope you work through it.

I am very similar - it took years of therapy, years! And even then I still don't like it but as someone else said, not many people like it and not many people are good at it!

I still have to say affirming statements to myself before I present and I have to have written it out a thousand times (I do better if I can read something as my mind goes blank!).

Don't give up and please don't resign - the fact that you went from not being able to do it at all to doing something, shows you have it in you! The beta blockers will help slow down your heart rate which should help with the physical symptoms from that. It's not a cure but an aid!

YOU CAN DO IT!!

I do get that Bob and I’m glad my experiences have helped you

I have felt so lovely with this over the years. “Oh everyone hates public speaking” they tell me but not like I do!

I’m very proud of myself actually as despite it all I have always somehow managed them and not turned it down. I even spoke at my wedding. I think courage takes all sorts of different forms and facing your fears takes a lot. So well done to you too! You have accepted a job that requires you to speak more - that’s amazing in itself!

I think you should test the beta blockers out. I think I did at a smaller team meeting. Then a few concerts. I had to experiment with dose and timing. I think I have half a 30mg tablet 20 mins before. Then if I need to repeat the talk etc I have the other half. It lasts around 45 mins. Have a bottle of water with you

It doesn’t stop you feeling nervous but it stops the ghastly physical symptoms. It does make you tired and cold afterwards.

My childhood sounds similar. Loving but so much stress and I think I am wired to rise to fight/flight quicker. I have to really look after my health. Low alcohol, exercise, eat really well and take B vitamins and fish oil.

Let me know how you get on! Lots of love

Lonely - not lovely! What a wally

Oh Blue, I know what you mean. We’ve definitely found our people:)

Cloud, what type of therapy? I’ve actually heard that nlp can with but I’m not sure whether to get sucked into the promises on slick looking websites. There was one that looked quite convincing- but expensive.

Rooner, will definitely look into the beta blockers a bit more. And you’re definitely not a wally- you’re a sweetie:)

Such a lovely bunch on here. Thank you xxxx

Glossophobia or the fear of public speaking has nothing to do with public speaking. It is a protective mechanism installed in our brain by some past event(s) which our brain recognized as vitally important to our survival thus automated it just like it automates other important functions (talking, walking, driving etc).

It could be emotional neglect, narcissistic mother, bullying at school. Possibilities of threatening events in the past are endless.

Our brain programming can be updated in one hypnotherapy session.
Conversational hypnosis. Eyes open. Just like it was installed with eyes open.

You might find it interesting to watch 49 years of narcissistic wound healing in 28 minutes and the fear of being seen wiped out:

Good luck and remember that you were born Wild, Loud, Unlimited, Shameless. That is your original state and any programs installed thereafter in your brain that are diminishing your self-worth can be updated inside trance.

Don't resign! A couple of sessions with a hypnotist/hypnotherapist will resolve the problem - and you can do it via Zoom/online. Because hypnosis bypasses the conscious mind and communicates directly with the subconscious it is far quicker and easier than any other type of therapy.