GP has just prescribed escitalopram (5 mg) for depression.
I have chronic anxiety too (social anxiety and excessive adrenaline).
Lots of adversarial events including extended family issues which may not resolve. Also relationship problems with husband. Boredom. Feelings of worthlessness. Loneliness, lack of connection and in amongst all this young dc.
I am waiting for therapy via the NHS. I don't want zoom sessions, I want to see someone face to face.
But I am feeling really low. I wouldn't self harm as I care so much for dc but I have thoughts around...I'd be better off not being here because of the struggle with my mental health (I've suffered for years on and off with more stable periods). I have certain elements of BPD though probably don't meet the criteria. I have experienced an abusive/invalidating childhood. Creating meaningful connections seems elusive now.
I've waited months for therapy (think pre lockdown). There is no indication when face to face sessions might start again. GP doesn't know the extent of my feelings and has prescribed low dose 5 mg escitalopram (I presume as a starting dose). I don't know when this will increase or should increase. I have propranolol for anxiety but haven't been taking this on a regular basis. Lockdown was a leveller for me. It feels as if most people are starting to resume their lives and I am left behind. Perimenopause might be a factor too...I can't take HRT. Just feeling worn down by it all and trying to keep on even keel for dc who naturally want my time/hugs etc when I feel I have little left to give (though really do try). Frequent feelings of pointlessness although I do appreciate how valuable life is really. Any advice?