Worried about reporting my symptoms - What if DC gets taken away?

[PlantYourAlans]

I’ve name changed and will try to keep this the least outing as possible but it’s hard to, actually.

In a nutshell, I had psychotic episodes between the ages of 14/15. They got quite severe but psychiatric support were always confused that I didn’t show any ‘negative’ symptoms (always looked well groomed and fresh, didn’t withdraw etc). I was basically just incredibly scared of these hallucinations for 2 years and it ruined my school life. When I was almost due with DS, I was hearing people calling me a lot. But I felt so unwell with severe HG sickness that it didn’t even bother me! I was exhausted. But I reported it to GP straight away to lay the foundation for support, as I knew these things can escalate when baby is born. It didn’t, it went away and it was an amazing first year of his life.

I am now in my 20’s and I’ve recently started hearing people call my name when they’re not there. It’s so frustrating. But has become scary since these voices are getting a bit odd in the last week or so. Definitely female. At first I put it down to mistaking my H calling me, maybe I just wasn’t hearing him properly?

However, I have in the last week also felt an awful suspicion that someone is following me. Trying to watch out for me. I had a word with myself this morning when I left the house and went to look into cars (just with my eyes of course), feeling certain someone was sat in one looking for me. If a new car I don’t recognise as a neighbour’s is parked outside, I panic and feel like I’m being watched.

I am in touch with reality enough to know these things can’t really be true, but it is so overwhelming and frightening at the time.

I am worried about reporting these symptoms to my GP - I don’t want my DS taken away. Not ‘taken away’ just like that. But I don’t want them monitoring me and questioning if I can care for him, when nothing of the sort would suggest that. I am an honest patient and would be completely upfront if I was struggling to cope.

DS is disabled - An important factor maybe?

I think this may be a result of stress. I lost my second daughter in January due to prematurity. I still feel, beneath the surface, quite shaken - The overall grief has passed but I think perhaps this was a trigger. I miss her beyond words, I do, but it’s more like a heartbroken feeling now and doesn’t consume me at all.

Would you seek support for this? Should I expect that social services will want to be involved? We’ve never had them involved before.

You have a disabled child and have suffered the bereavement of a newborn within the last few years. Absolutely seek support for this, what you are describing are the symptoms, not the underlying health issue which is likely to be stress / bereavement related. You have been so brave so sit and write what you did as cohesively as you did. Can you contact your health visitor to get support following the death of your baby and see what support is available to you.

Train Thank you

I lost my first DD in October 2019. Then my last daughter in January this year. I really miss them but if I’m honest I don’t really have the time to grieve in the day. I’m busy - DS is extremely difficult to care for. It’s a challenge every day. It would be for anyone, it’s just the reality of him at the moment

I am so worried I’ll be considered a potential risk factor to DS

you're not a risk to him sweetheart, and no one will think that, you "just" need some support at an incredibly sad and difficult time.

what you're experiencing is your body trying to grieve when you aren't able to let it happen because you have too much to do, the shock of losing DD2 is making your mind do strange things.

talk to your GP or HV and ask for some help, it's possible they don't realise how much pressure you are under, as you barely recognise it yourself

Thank you, I suppose I haven’t really been so honest with myself that I have had a lot to deal with lately, and yes it may cause a lot of issues if not addressed thoroughly...

Just before DD went I had sepsis, and spent the week in hospital alone feeling I was on the edge of death So bloody dramatic of me but I felt so heartbroken that I wasn’t going to ‘get to say goodbye’ because of covid not letting anyone visit: but the reality was people could’ve visited if I was actually dying. I just thought I was for the first few days! And told my family as such, which is completely out of character as I don’t like to make a fuss.

I still can’t stop feeling so guilty for how worried I must’ve made my mum and Nan feel. They told me with tears just how worried that time made them.

Sometimes it just feels like I’m struggling to see beyond the day. But we’re getting there. I just need these hallucinations to go away as if nothing else at the best of times, they’re distracting