How can I break the cycle?

[fiftypence]

I have frequent bouts of depression, for which I'm taking/doing nothing except self help.

I drink every night, not too much, but would rather not drink.

I think I have OCD.

I don't want to see anyone or talk about any of it because I do quite well with self help.

I know what is good for me and I don't wallow in it. But I frequently fall at the first hurdle where I want to persevere. I stop drinking for a couple of nights and then cave in. I eat really well and take care of myself, then cave in. I keep doing this stop-start-stop-start thing and I want to get out of the bit.

What can I do?

I'd go to gp. Outside encouragement may work wonders.

fiftypence i know exactly how you feel because im going through a similar time right now, in fact for a long time i, like you have struggled along through self help, i have now got to the point where its not working anymore, i drink most nights too (not a lot, and feel i could stop if i wanted but still do it) i alsso bringe on food every night, then feel guilty so make myself sick. In the past i have been able to stop this but it always starts back up.

I have an appointment with my gp this morning because i cant go to work i just want to cry, ive been crying for the past week, i also think i have ocd.

My advice to you is seek some help now before it gets any worse, and believe me it will, i thought i could carry on like you but i have now admited i need some help. I want my ds to have a healthy mummy so im doing it for him as much as me. you cant go on as you are and by writing this thread i think your already admiting that, please seek help even if its just talking to a friend or family member. i hope you feel better soon as i know its not a nice place to be

Thanks very much for both your messages. notmyselfnow, how did you get on today?

I have had counselling before (I didn't find it helped any) and I've been thinking of going back but I don't know whether to go back to the same clinic or not. The counsellor I had seems to have moved on so I'd be starting with someone new anyway. I did this privately so my GP was not involved. I just find GPs, generally, not much good. My DH knows about my feelings and is suportive but, when the bad times hit, he is the one who has to pick up the pieces and I can't keep expecting that over and over and over again.

How great if there was cure-all remedy. Imagine not having it......

my gp diagnosed me with anxiety, which i have had before but i never went to the councilling they offered me because i felt better that week, when im feeling good i think i can keep it under control but seem to slip back, stop and start like yourself. Anyway she signed me off work, which im glad as cant cope with that at the min, and prescribed me citalopram, said it will treat both anxiety and depression. This time i am going to go to the coucilling even if i feel better. I know mine is triggered by situations, so think i need to reconise them, gp thinks this time round it was triggered by my ds getting ill and ending up in hospital, and i knew this in my head before she even said, just didnt know i knew it iyswim

Anyway i did feel better after going, but just been hit with money worries after checking my account and feel bad again

IME counselling isn't very good for OCD (if you look at the NICE guidelines, CBT or ADs are the best treatment for OCD). There are lots of good self-help books available for OCD, especially if you have one of the commoner problems, such as excessive handwashing or excessive checking. I would recommend anything by Lee Baer on OCD, also Hyman/Pedrick the OCD workbook, or Frank Tallis's book about OCD. Some people find Brain Lock by ?Jeffrey Schwartz helpful too.

Of course there are also OCD websites as well that may have useful info, the main UK one that springs to mind is the No Panic website, also US based www.ocf.org