Wish I could be normal

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

I've had complex PTSD for about 50 years, I'm an NHS professional, have my own home, pension etc everything looks normal of the surface but underneath I'm destroyed.
My mental health was broken forever as a child and no amount of counselling or drugs makes me a member of the human race.
i can't have relationships because they make me freak out so I live alone with my cat. I'm lucky enough to have a son from a short lived marriage but he lives 2 hours drive away.
I wish I could just wake up in the morning and feel and be normal, every day feels like I'm going off to war.
Anyone else feel the same, how do you cope?

I haven’t got PTSD but have struggled with depression and anxiety since about the age of 14 and relate to your description of feeling like everyday is a war. Mental health issues can be hard work and there are definitely days where I feel like even getting out of bed is a battle, let alone managing work.

I know you said that counselling hasn’t helped you but I do wonder if this could be something you might explore more, there are some terrible counsellors out there but also some amazing ones and maybe you have been unlucky so far. I would try and find one that specialises in PTSD specifically.

Have you got other friends and family who you can talk to about how you are feeling? It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot and feel quite alone. All I can say is that you’re not the only person who feels like this, like every day is another battle. I hope things get easier for you x