This isn’t how things were meant to be...

[Deedyn]

There’s nothing I’m feeling right about at the moment.
Work is rubbish, far too busy and the Manager dislikes me.
I am married, and whilst he’s a good man we’ve not slept together in a year or two. The relationship is otherwise ok but I feel as the years roll on, we have less in common.I don’t have many friends, I find it hard to make friends and I’m often on my own.
I’ve got kids but I don’t feel we are particularly close. The eldest son lives away and rarely calls. The younger is always gaming.
I’ve considered taking my own life but am scared of it either not working
or being in pain.

I never thought my life would go this way. Please can I ask if anyone understands this at all?

Yes. But ending things isn't the answer.
You need to talk to someone. The Samaritans, mind or even your GP.

Have you spoken to your partner? Does he know how you're feeling?

I know how it feels @Deedyn but please dont do the unthinkable.
You are right, it could go horribly wrong.
I also have no friends, shit relationship with no intimacy and feel as though no one gives a damn.
But we must go on. It's hard, and I'm at a particular low tonight.
Can you talk to the samaritans? Have you spoken to them previously? I did once and I was so nervous but the lady on the phone was unbelievably kind and patient.
Why dont you give them a call and say you need to chat?

Sorry to hear this. Could you get some counselling? I think that all the things you have listed that you feel are bad in your life right now is probably intensified so much more because of the lockdowns. Hope you get some real life help X

Saffire, thank you for replying.
I have spoken to my DH and whilst he is understanding I feel relieved we’ve spoke but then the feelings return another day.
I’m far to scared to actually take my own life but I have to be totally honest and say I think about it several times a week.
I’ve spoken to the Samaritans six times over this last year and haven’t found every call that good. That said I did chat with a man the last time and I found him excellent.
I’ve never rang the surgery as it’s hopeless to get through to them.

I really feel for you op

Please hang in there. This is a particularly difficult time.

Could you visit the GP and talk to them? Maybe get some ads or enrol in talking therapies?

Have a look at Therapy in a Nutshell on You Tube.

Could you take some tiny steps towards changing the bits of your life that you do have control over? Break down the task of looking for a new job in to 10 stages and just do one of them.

And maybe talk to your DH about how you are feeling?

And try and do one thing for five minutes tomorrow that you really enjoy?

Good luck

Yes, I'm experiencing something very similar but think it's amplified by the lockdowns and suspension of other parts of life. I can struggle but find talking to someone helps as does setting myself a really small challenge such as wearing a favourite top or walking a little further than normal etc. You're not alone and people will want to help you xx

Galaxy, I’m so sorry you can relate. My mood is so low and I’m often in tears at night.

X posts, please try the GP again, and the next day. You deserve proper treatment.

Sorry you are struggling, I have had many ups and downs in life and I have found my downs to be very much hormone related. Can hormones be at play here?
On a practical note, maybe you can email or message your Dr's Surgery for advice, maybe try some anxiety or depression medication?
Or what about looking up some local groups that might be run by charities that offer buddy systems, group craft or exercise or gardening activities for those feeling like they are struggling? Our local volunteer centre are always asking for buddy volunteers for group activities etc. So perhaps you could contact them to see if there is anything you can join in with?

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected], though we can see you've called them previously. It's always worth another go though.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well. There are lots more numbers in that contact sheet we linked to above.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

OP, we really hope things somehow start to look up for you soon. It really sounds like you deserve more happiness than this.

Thank you everyone for your kind responses. I know I cannot carry on feeling like this and must try to at least get some help. At the moment I’m just going through the motions and trying to remain positive. I’m taking one day at a time and am hoping ‘This too will pass’.

One day at a time is good. It will be small steps too, sometimes backwards instead of forwards, but you will move on.

Everything is so hard at the moment, I completely understand how you feel. It's a struggle to keep going for me sometimes. I feel like a crap mum as I'm moaning at my dd. I don't want to be like that though.