Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

12 yr old son socially excluded / low level bullying at school

1 reply

EnidLove · 07/04/2021 13:17

Hi my 12-year-old is having problems at his new secondary school. He hasn't been able to make any friends and things have got worse now and he is being treated badly by other children. I think they have identified him as a bit of a vulnerable case and are starting to get into a pattern of being unkind and watching him suffer. I am sure they are all frightened of being excluded socially so it gives them some release to act out in this way. Currently it is more low level stuff, running away from him at break, inviting him to join them for social things/ games then uninviting him so he gets very confused and upset. I am finding it hard to know how to support him best. I find it particularly hard to manage my feelings as I get so upset about it on his behalf - I think it brings up things from my childhood - and I don't know if this is making it worse for him. I don't know if there's any point contacting some of the other mums. I've been in touch with the school but I can tell they feel there's not a lot they can do Any thoughts would be welcome, particularly on best strategies if this is something you have been through. Obviously the pandemic has made everything a lot worse as I think the children are dealing with such difficult times. Many thanks,

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 07/04/2021 13:46

Don't get in touch with the parents (it's not only the Mum's responsibility either! Dads have a say)

You'll get 99% of them thinking that their child would NEVER do such a thing. They'll deny it.

Make an appointment at the school to see his form tutor. Demand that something is done...but first, contact the school and ask to see their bullying policy...all schools have a bullying policy and you can ask to see that...read it and then go to an appointment with his form tutor.

You will be armed with the knowledge of what they should be doing.

Are there any clubs at lunchtime in this school? Often these can be a real saviour for kids who struggle socially;

And finally, what is it about your son that's making other kids see a victim?

This is HARD question to ask a parent. No parent wants to see their child as a potential victim. But there will be something...something that they're cottoning on to and using against him.

The most common reasons are that a child might be quiet and shy which means they don't snap back when faced with a verbal or physical challenge...or that they're immature socially and other kids see that and use it.

Or sometimes it can be due to the meanest of all reasons, physical appearance (including clothing)

Do any of these fit your son? If they do, there are things you can do...I know people say that it's not the bullied child who needs to change...but kids are like animals and unfortunately, sometimes it is needed to change.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page