ADHD diagnosis - what next?

[knackeredcat]

It's official. All those years of struggling, being written off as lazy, hopeless and other such things and punishing myself. I received my diagnosis last week. ADHD - I (Inattentive).

I don't really know how I feel. At first, vindicated. Over the weekend I felt like I was bereaved - the struggling and marginalised woman who was never shown any compassion or understanding is dead now. In her place is a newly diagnosed disabled woman who is probably a bit of a blank slate now.

Now I'm just confused. I've to phone my doctor about medication via Right to Choose. I know I've a wait for these. I've to look into workplace adjustments but I'm not sure what I need (apart from people to be brief and to the point in emails if they need something, and give me a clear deadline).

Re. the above - I'm in my probationary period in my job (public sector) and it was blindingly obvious that I was struggling with not getting such things from the get-go. I suppose I'm scared that even with protections I may be let go if I can't do the job...

I suppose I'm wondering what it all means for my life now? Once I'm over the initial feelings is it just going to be business as usual?

Hi OP....I just thought I’d drop in and mention that extract of green lipped mussel has proven effectiveness in trials for people with mild to moderate ADHD. I stumbled across this recently by chance as I take this supplement for other health reasons.

Thanks, @Lotusmonster - will definitely look into that as I'm around 9 weeks away from medication.

Hi I am recently (well in the last year) diagnosed too. As is my husband. And my best friend! Seems like I have surrounded myself with like minded people. We are all getting to grips with the news differently and at different times feeling grief/anger/relief/joy and realising the impact shame and anxiety have had on our lives.
I’ve started on medication, I feel happier and less anxious but I still need to put in place and actually follow ‘systems’ to help me organise my life. There is a book called “Order from Chaos” by Jaclyn Paul that I found particularly useful for this but it’s big undertaking.
While you wait for meds I’d recommend reading up as much as you can. I really like the website ADDitude for that. You can also put in place the other ‘pillars’ of treatment like daily exercise and support for your mental health (My doctor suggested therapy or mindfulness but I have recently stopped 12 years of therapy and mindfulness gives me the rage so i do yoga.) I think that has helped as much as the medication. I also find time outdoors helps.
The doctor also told me to join a support group.
It’s a lot to take in isn’t it? And so hard to advocate for yourself when you are still getting to grips with what it all actually means in general and for you specifically.

Today I'm a mess. I've been light years out of my comfort zone in my current role and I'm messing everything up. I've declared my neurodivergence prior to my diagnosis but patience with me has long gone. I keep being reminded that current work I'm struggling with is an essential part of the job and comments on one of my documents has made me look useless. I suppose I am useless, I've been called it often enough. And here I am, a middle aged woman, trying not to cry again.

I feel people won't believe me until I get my diagnostic letter and that they just think I'm lazy and rubbish. I do suspect the older I get the more incapable of work I actually am. I seem to suffer from daily burnouts but the pressure on me at the moment re. this work is like nothing I've ever felt before. It would be straightforward to NT people but to me it isn't. And I'm berating myself even more.

It's all such a rollercoaster. The only support I have is from my OH. Apologies for the self pity rant.

I don't even know what I need or what I'm entitled to to make things better (apart from the meds). It's such a minefield.

I'm 39 and was diagnosed in January. I have started medication and it's great but it's not a cure all, you still have to work at things. My mum told me everyday growing up that I was lazy!! That still hurts. I think you should consider if you are in the right type of job for you. Perhaps look for something that can play to your strengths, otherwise it sounds like you're torturing yourself. I have a specialist NHS post that I love, but even with the medication I'm still bringing work home and my timekeeping is terrible 🙈 It's really tough and the internal shame is terrible. Be kind to yourself!

Once I started meds it helped me a lot at work, hope you find this too.

@MyPatchworkQuilt

Once I started meds it helped me a lot at work, hope you find this too.

Do you mind sharing which meds you are on?

Does anyone mind me asking those who have started on meds, what negatives there have been ?

My (young adult) dd has an appointment soon at which she is supposed to make decisions about meds. She has no clue how much she wants to change "who she is" and is quite hesitant, but obviously would like some of the things that are difficult for her not to be so, but is wrestling with the idea of the concept of 'changing her personality'.
I am really struggling to help her, as for me, I think she is wonderful as she is, but I am not the one living with her difficulties. She, OTOH doesn't even realise that some aspects of what she has to deal with aren't "usual" for everyone.

DS was diagnosed as an adult. He could take meds but chooses not too. Well not really chooses exactly, as he cant take meds in his profession. But he feels better just knowing. And it has also helped him to realise that he needs to put things in place to sort things out workwise. He like you used to think he was rubbish, but not that different from anyone else. Now he has the diagnosis he knows he is different, so he has to find strategies to be able to manage. Obviously you know the sort of things I'm taking about. Lists, alarms, early starts, recording instructions, blah blah. But he is also super good at things that others are not so good at. So whilst he is not fab at completing a task, he is great at ideas/big pictures etc. So you as well I'm sure have useful skills that others lack.

I have known for years I have ADHD but I don't want to lose my driving license or possibly my children and life as I know it so I just quietly live in the shadows as a sahm and hope I can get through this until my children are 18 then I can get a diagnosis.

Thanks all for your input. I'm now at the point where I'm struggling to take it all in. I feel in work like in so many previous roles people think I'm just lazy and inept. It was definitely implied that I'm slow on the uptake. I've made enquiries about likelihood of redeployment but chances are probably slim. Thinking I'm too inattentive and distracted to ever succeed in any workplace.

@BackforGood

Does anyone mind me asking those who have started on meds, what negatives there have been ?

My (young adult) dd has an appointment soon at which she is supposed to make decisions about meds. She has no clue how much she wants to change "who she is" and is quite hesitant, but obviously would like some of the things that are difficult for her not to be so, but is wrestling with the idea of the concept of 'changing her personality'.
I am really struggling to help her, as for me, I think she is wonderful as she is, but I am not the one living with her difficulties. She, OTOH doesn't even realise that some aspects of what she has to deal with aren't "usual" for everyone.

@BackforGood

There are stimulants or non stimulants, and short or long acting. Generally they try stimulants first. Short acting is about 4 hours and long acting is 10-12 hours.

Stimulant negatives- 'bounce back' when it wears off (you find yourself in a rabbit hole on your phone) (can be helped with staggering the dose), can suppress appetite, can get cranky or sad (v much depends on the person).

Methylphenidate is one of the common stimulants, you could google the patient leaflet on side effects.

Negatives - none really

Positives - being able to be a functional person (until Covid stole everything)

Concerta XL 108mg

One thing I would say is don't be scared to increase dose when they are titrating your dose but don't do this if you don't feel you need to as there is a maximum dose (see above).

IMHO It won't change your DD's personality except make her life less difficult (not easier less difficult).

Also if she doesn't get on with her meds she can stop them.

Also I am a great believer in parental behaviour (mother's) shaping my hatred of myself.

Thanks BananaMaltLoaf and StarCat

@sodalite

I have known for years I have ADHD but I don't want to lose my driving license or possibly my children and life as I know it so I just quietly live in the shadows as a sahm and hope I can get through this until my children are 18 then I can get a diagnosis.

Why would you lose your driving license or children @sodalite?

Please don't deny yourself the help and support you need and deserve.

Hmm. Reading all this and thinking I too have ADHD, it's something I have been thinking for a while

Please keep sharing your advice and experiences, pps

Thanks BananaMaltLoaf and StarCat
You are absolutely welcome

If I can possibly help you (anybody) any more please let me know!!