If you've had PND, do you ever stop worrying that you're not feeling the 'right' way?

[Januaryblue2020]

Have recovered from PND, but still have a constant worry that I don't love my child 'enough', I guess it's just guilt from the early days. If you've had PND does this ever go away? I know that I love my son more than anything, but when I'm feeling tired or something, I just start worrying again that I don't love him like other mothers do. It's exhausting

It wasnt PND for me but I know exactly what you are talking about. Being ill like that completely undermines your confidence in your thoughts and feelings. I think its just something we need to recognise for what it is (basically a depression hangover) and I have found CBT techniques such as thinking through the evidence quite helpful. Could you look at doing some CBT?

Thank you for your reply, yes I think I need to just accept that my anxiety is getting a bit out of control again and get some therapy.
Think my biggest fear is that I don't love my son properly, so it just rears its head whenever I'm feeling low. Thanks for your words of advice x

Let me tell you that if that love was tested, you'd fight like a lion for him. I'm certain of it. You have just loconfidence in your thoughts. I am not sure what love of a child is supposed to feel like! It's not Hollywood. And there's a lot of (literally) shit to wade through in the daily care of a baby that makes it hard to feel anything at times. But it's quietly there and clear as day ironically in the anxiety you feel that it's not. So let that worry go.

Thats a lovely thing to say, thank you so much. Lockdown 3 has played havoc with my mind!

The one thing I knew for certain when I had PND was that I loved my child. You do doubt yourself at times as you lose your confidence and that can take quite a while to return.
the fact you are thinking like this shows you care.