I used to be a happy go lucky person, commited to spending time with my friends and family. Enjoyed my job, ate well, exercised and basically had a positive attitude.
My grown up DC have all now at some point over the last few weeks showed concern about me and my behaviour. Today for example, my Children and their partners are meeting up for a walk, there are 6 of them so I couldnt go along as well, my middle son called me and said that his GF wasnt able to go and please could I join them, but in my head I thought they wont want an old woman tagging along, and I have no clothes that fit me anymore, my shoes give me blisters when I walk and I would drag them down so declined. I used the pretence that as I has my second vaccine yesterday that I was feeling under the weather. My DS saw through this and said, meet just me and the dog for a seperate walk them mum. I declinned again as my DD has a delivery coming today (true) so in the end he gave up.
They have all gone out and I looked around my flat, the place is a tip, washing up on the side, dirty laundry spilling out of the laundry bin, kitchen needs a deep clean, bath is blocked and needs to be sorted, i havent even bleached the toilet. I have worn the same PJs for a week and barely can be bothered to wash or clean my teeth. This isnt who I was. Is this lockdown or is this a MH issue brought about by something else. I ended a replationship just before lockdown and everyone else I know is paired up, I am happy being single but often feel not included in things because I am a solo. I was looking at booking a holiday in the UK for when this is over, then realised I have no one to go away with. I can take my DC but they have their own lives and I feel I drag them down if I tag along. I could go alone if I was going abroad but renting a caravan or a holiday cottage for one in the UK seems so sad.
Sorry for the moan, just on a downer today.