I am struggling to sleep. The reason I am struggling to sleep is that DP has cancer and is unlikely to still be here come late summer so although I can go to bed feeling really really tired and I can fall asleep I wake up every 40-75 minutes with a start and find it hard to get back off again. I am also tearful at times (which I think is only natural). I don't think I am depressed. I am stressed, of course I am but I don't think I am depressed.
Yesterday I had to call the surgery because I have a UTI again and ended up crying on the phone to the nurse because everything was just so complicated; go and get a sample bottle, come home, do sample, go back, drop sample off, come home, wait to hear. I guess it doesn't sound too bad but the baby we are fostering has a brain injury and finds the to-ing and fro-ing too difficult, he has an ear splitting screaming cry that could peel paint. I apologised for crying and explained our situation (I haven't slept properly in weeks) and she suggested I give SSRIs a thought. I am not sure what benefit I would get.
Surely it is natural to find what I am living with hard? I can still see the joy in the day, every day DP and I are happy and smile, laugh and joke. I don't feel that dark weight on my shoulders that I have done in the past. Life is OK, I am just scared of the future but isn't that natural? I need sleep but would SSRIs help with that? Zopiclone isn't helping (I don't take it all the time just when the insomnia is really, really bad) so should I consider an antidepressant?