Still traumatised after having my first born removed at birth and adopted

[ScndChnceAtLfe]

It happened when I was still in my late teens and with an abusive man. My lifes wasn't suitable for a baby as I couldn't safeguard myself let alone a baby - I would have done my best but it wouldn't have been good enough. I was treat pretty horribly by SS even though what happened was for the best they were brutal to me.

Fast forward to now I'm approaching 30 and have gone on to become a mother again, DC is in my care full time with no social services involvement (no concerns at all)

My mental health ebbs and flows especially this time of year when letterbox contact (with my birth child) is due.. but I'm a good mum to my DC.

We've just discovered that I'm pregnant again and this should be a happy time but what I've found is both times I've discovered I'm expecting (after what happened with my first) I'm overcome with the fear that SS will swoop in and take my children again.

There is no basis for these fears other than trauma from the past. I meet all of my DC's needs and I'm a really warm and loving parent, the only 'issue' with me is the past trauma and as such I'm predisposed to depression. I had (and recovered from) PTSD after my last birth which was very traumatic, so I suppose there is that they could pick on.

I feel sick at the prospect of having to go over my history again with the midwives because having had a child adopted is always a red flag. I don't want to discuss it.

I want to enjoy my pregnancy but I'm going to spend the duration on tenderhooks just waiting to be told SS are coming for my children.

How can I move past this?

I had SS involved for a short time and they were mostly a help, but the way they expected me to be (somehow not autistic and expected to follow their order for things) has left it's mark on me because all these years later I'm still fearful of ever being seen to need their intervention.

It sounds like you had the worst experience in your teens but you've worked to move past that. I'm sorry it's left you with trauma.

When I was pregnant with my youngest, I had a special mental health midwife and she would come out and visit me at home once a week. Talking to her really helped.

You've always done what is best for all your children, including the eldest, as you recognised that your situation wasn't suitable for them and they could be better cared for in another family. I really think the midwife will view it like that. Personally I'd think less of someone who subjected a child to an abusive man. The midwife will see some people who do that and it would cause far more damage

You have been through probably the worst thing that could happen to any woman.

I am so sorry

I have no real advice, just wanted to say how terribly sorry I was that you went through this. Even if it was necessary, that sounds utterly horrific.