Does your DP/DH/DW struggle badly ?

[KingAndQueen]

Trying to understand this from my DP perspective...

My mental health has deteriorated appallingly; combo of work related issues, being signed off, lockdown, loss of support network and my hideous, awful jealousy over a female work colleague of his.

There's so much to detail about all of these things, and DP has started telling me he's actively avoiding me when he finishes work and he can't handle all my emotions on top of his own stresses.

I do understand some of this, I do. It's a lot. I also don't recognise who I have become. All I do is lash out, feel angry, rage and cry uncontrollably. He asks me to be rational but I can't, I really can't.

I then calm down and he says he's one step closer to leaving me every time and I just feel suicide ideation. I don't want to do it really, I'm looking for an out.

I tried psychologists - one who had to cancel owing to being signed off herself and another who just listened, didn't actually offer any tools. With the latter, I ended up feeling even more vulnerable and exposed after every session and dreading the next, it just didn't help.

Just don't know what to do anymore. I want to be a good partner and I want him to support me, want to spend time with me. I feel so self indulgent even writing this and crying, but I just can't stop and don't know what to do.

I feel I've self sabotaged my relationship owing to all the external things in my life. I don't know what to do anymore and I wanted to hear how other partners have felt as I want to support him too.

Hi op, you need to help yourself first. Its so important to find someone who you click with, and it sounds like you didn't click with that psychologist you saw. If you have the means financially, I would find a good, reliable therapist. Have you spoken to your GP about medication to help with unstable mood?

Hi @BoomTastic1 thank you for your reply. If given up checking as my thread didn't seem to gain any traction. I've got another Gp apt tomor, but the services in my area are woefully inadequate and the waiting. List >18 months.

I've already exhausted the private healthcare allocation and tbh I wasn't impressed by what I did see. I know I have to persevere, but I'm finding it really challenging right now.

Are you taking hormonal contraception? When i was on yasmin pill it made me act alot more emotional and leas reasonable.

It's a horrible situation for both of you to be in, and there's no easy answer. My husband suffers from Sad and every winter I wonder if this will be the winter I move out. Its so difficult to try and be positive and rational and motivating for two, especially when I get so little reward or thanks for it (at least until the spring). I think in my case, the thing that can hurt is that there are things he can do to help himself, but he doesn't. We've realised that exercise, getting out in daylight and taking a high strength vitamin d supplement all reduce the severity. But he doesn't prioritise these things, which leaves md feeling like I'm picking up the pieces. It also doesn't help when he can't verbalise the support that he needs, but complains I'm being unsupportive, none of us are mind readers. If there's something particular that you feel you need your partner to be doing, please ask, and also be able to explain why you think it will help. We want to help, but we don't always know how to, and that can lead to avoidance