So, I posted the other day about my kids and their names in the legal forum. But this thread is to do with me. I wasn't sure where to post it but this seemed like a good place.
To recap - I have 2 kids by my first husband who passed away several years ago.
After this I was in a relationship with another guy and I made the decision to change mine and my kids names to this person's name - officially.
It caused a lot of strife at the time and my family have never liked it. I've regretted the decision for a long time.
Fast forward 8 years - that relationship became very toxic and ended in 2016. Since then we have all still had this man's name.
Why I never did anything to change it back sooner than now I don't know.
I can change the kids names back to that of their biological dad, this is not a problem and is the right thing to do.
But what about my own name? I don't know if I want to go back to having the same name as my kids and, therefore, my dead husband's name. This might be nice for my kids and we would all have the same name. However, I'm also thinking of going back to my maiden name, my birth name. Obviously this would be different to my kids but doesn't make this any less of their mum.
I know whatever I choose has to be right for me and is very personal. I need to reset my life and this is one thing I know I must do - one way or another.
Of course I could choose a random name and use that but that seems a bit ridiculous. I know 100% I can't spend any more time with this other guy's name for us. It's decided for the kids but I don't know about myself.
If I take my husband's name back it will be nice for the children but I think I might feel strange having a dead man's name. Of course I have many good memories of our life together but there is also a lot of pain. I can see this also being 'good' in other people's eyes.
If I go back to my maiden name or would be like starting over. In all honesty I am thinking this is what I should do. But I know how others will feel if I don't take my married name again - it will be seen by some as disrespectful. I don't understand this point of view, really. I'm not aiming to be disrespectful, I'm actually trying to restore my self respect - which has been in tatters for years. I don't really understand why I should be made to feel that having the same name as my kids is necessary or 'right'.
Anyway, feel free to discuss. Thank you