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Lonely, anxious, sad, regret moving to new city

4 replies

zapzap · 28/03/2021 09:13

In January 2020, me and OH moved out of London to a new city, for me to start a new job when our LO was 11 months old. But now, I feel incredibly lonely, have some issues with the area we moved to, and feel like such an idiot for moving us all and I am so lonely and sad.

We moved out of London for really valid reasons - asthma issues, tiny flat, noisy area, long commutes. I am a contractor and an old client offered me a role in a popular city where I went to university and dreamed of moving back to. On paper, it all sounded great for us as a family.

In reality, it's been really hard. The job had a lot of issues to start, although some are better now. We're living in an area of the city I didn't know before, and I feel sandwiched between main roads and industrial estates and quite depressed although our rented house is nice enough. We don't have a car and previously relied on public transport which has not been possible now so I feel stuck in a short walk of our house. The things I loved about the city as a student are quite different as a working parent.

People here have been really nice but it's been hard to make friends. Local schools here aren't great, LO has just turned 2 so that's starting to play on my mind. I miss my family very much - my parents have even offered to move closer once we're settled, but I'm not sure I want them moving here if it's not somewhere I feel I want to stay.

I talked to my husband but he feels like we haven't given it a proper chance yet, even though I am still miserable after more than a year. I felt early on like I'd made a mistake, and wish I had listened to my gut. We promised when we moved here it would just be to try for a year... but now we're here my husband is really reluctant to move again, I keep crying at how angry and regretful I feel. If I'd know he would stick his heels in after moving I wouldn't have been so willing to give it a try.

I have no friends here and I'm further from family and I feel like we have nothing going for us here. I keep trying to make an effort but I get so angry and upset at being stuck somewhere when I feel it was a mistake to come here.

OP posts:
Sallycinnamum · 28/03/2021 09:33

OP life is too short to be miserable and as you're renting you have no financial ties to the area I'd be off like a shot.

Now is the time to go if you haven't got any kids at school. Can you commute to your job from another area?

butterfly990 · 28/03/2021 09:54

Big hugs. It is hard moving to new areas.

Things to consider, find a new rental property, buy a car (learn to drive if you haven't already), join a toddler group, have a look on the website "meetup" to find people in your area with like minded hobbies, interests.

zapzap · 28/03/2021 21:45

Thanks @butterfly990 and @Sallycinnamum. Had a weepy meltdown to my husband this afternoon, we agreed that once it's safe to do so we'll start exploring other areas of the city where I might be happier. Our area isn't terrible but the end of our road is main artery road out of the city, constantly thundering with lorries, you can't hear it from our house but I hate walking down it every time we need to get somewhere even the local park... My work have said that once we go back to the office it will probably be only one or two days a week, so I don't mind a longer commute if it's only a couple of days a week.

I have my license for driving but suffer really bad anxiety so haven't really driven since passing my test 15 years ago, I planned to have weekly lessons in 2020 but that fell by the wayside!

I think if I had one thing - friends / family here OR a job I liked OR a nice location it would feel better, at the moment I haven't got any of these and it's really tough - I don't want to be dragging my family around BUT I don't see how living in this area and being miserable is doing my kid any favours either!

OP posts:
buttercuplad · 06/06/2023 20:04

@zapzap I wondered how things were for you now? What decision did you come to ? How are you?

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