If you are having scary thoughts about harming

[onebatmother]

..your baby.
The Daily Mirror has a brilliant interveiw with a very brave woman, Anna Oakes, about her postpartum depression, today, Thursday November 8th, in their "Your Life" section, where she discusses her thoughts about harming her baby.

It's not yet on their website, but I think it will be tomorrow. I think they put things on the website the day after it's been published.

The daily mirror site is at www.dailymirror.co.uk/showbiz/yourlife
(not sure why it's in the showbiz section..)
Check here tomorrow if you need this article.
If not, post and I will type out the article.
You can namechange if you're anxious about this topic .

This is one thing I'm grateful for, it's the one thing I've never had.

I imagine some terrible things happening to her accidentally and I go into great detail about it - like thinking she would fall over the side of the boat, would she be taken under, would she go under the boat, would she survive, could she make herself float. I'm stopping cause it is making me start thinking about it again.

It makes me sick and I have to cross my arms around her to make sure she's safe.

To anyone else who feels like this, it is OCD and you should talk to someone about it if you haven't. I didn't for a long time because I was so ashamed about it, but I wish I had.

TM - really well done if you've managed to talk to someone about this.. how horrible for you though.

I think the thing that Anna Oakes describes is not actually the desire to harm her baby, but invasive visual images of her harming her baby - if that explains the difference? So she doesn't actually want to harm her, but can't stop images of harming her coming into her mind.
I really felt for her and thought she was incredibly brave which is why I posted this.

It sounds like what I get, only mine is always accidental, but it was me who accidentally hurt her. My psychiatrist said that is OCD. I've never been diagnosed OCD before but reading up on it, it's not a new thing.

Did you find the link?

Hi there - no just looked again and her name isn't coming up on their search engine, and really annoyingly I've just realized that I accidentally chucked the paper.
I'll try and find it another way.

What you describe (the intrusive visual images) does sound very much like OCD. I think sometimes there can be a crossover between PND/OCD in terms of morbid thoughts etc.

A VERY good book on this subject (OCD/unpleasant intrusice thoughts) is "The Imp of the Mind" by Lee Baer. It's a surprisingly common OCD symptom, but a lot of people understandably feel uncomfortable discussing it even with medics/health professionals.

Tell me about it! I was ill before I'd left hospital - I'm still on day three lol - and they had to call someone to see me. They asked questions about hurting me, hurting her etc and everytime I see them they ask the same questions.

How can I tell them when they want to know if I think about hurting her that I do? It was only Mum seeing how bad I felt that I explained it to her and she said she got that too.

Have seen that magic trick with the knife cutting through the arm? I see myself doing that, but it's real. I don't want to do it, but the image is in my head regularly. I've always said that the one thing as low as I get I will never do is hurt myself. Mum was a harmer and I grew up with it. I don't want her to go through what we did and feel "this is what I put them through" she shouldn't have to know.

I do get compulsions as well as obsessions, which I didn't think I did at first, but I've started to recognise some things as that now. I list all the time, I get so irritated if I can't find something to write on. My lists are supposed to make life better, we're going to start living by what I write and it will make things better. Ha! Laid back OH, neeeever gonna happen!

Sorry but what is OCD?

BTW, very brave of the mother considering the amount of stories about Social taking children away.

Obsessive Complusive Disorder. Most commonly shown in the media as people who clean themselves and stuff excessively (my BIL changes his toothbrush weekly and then uses it to clean the tiles) and have to check the locks ten times or perform some sort of ritual before leaving the house or car (Tink's godfather walks around either a certain amount of times before he leaves).

Basically you get:

uncontrolable obsessions about something - dirt, something happening to someone, world ending type things - well they are to the person;

an uncontrolable complusion to do something to make sure the world doesn't come to an end.

Some people can have one without the other.

I don't think it's brave in the way you say, I was so disgusted with the thoughts I couldn't tell anyone and I felt that it would get worse if I did (it did on the obsession of the time, but speaking to someone means I can get help to control it). I think my main concern was people being as disgusted by it as I felt or just judging me.

My mum has always had Manic Depression and when i was born she got severe PND and had to hospitalised for a few months.
Then 3 years later she had my brother and she was hospitalised again for almost a year.
My brother has issues about getting close to anyone.. he is 35yrs old and has NEVER had a girlfriend and says he never wants one...he is not gay either.
When i was 12years old, i moved to secondary school and started having OCD, everyday i would
go to a perticular spot on the way to school (hidden) and stand there for 5 mins or more and would glance at my digital watch quickly and if
i saw a 4,6,8 i would have to stay there for a bit longer.
I basically was obsessed with looking for my "lucky" numbers 1,2,3,5,9 and espcially 7.
Luckily i grew out of it by the time i was 14yrs old.
When i was pregnant with DD1, after 4 months pregnancy i used to get a terrible urge to pull the handbrake on the car.
Never felt the urge when i was driving my own car, but only when i was the passenger, as soon as i passed 8months pregnancy the feeling vanished.
When my DD1 was born i felt very well but after a month i started to worry about harming her.
Never bathed her alone as was getting images of her being held under the water.
If i was in the kitchen using a knife i would have images of cutting or stabbing her.
But the main thing is that they were JUST THOUGHTS! never in a million years would any
of us act on them.
After the birth of DD2 i never had any of these thoughts again.
I was so worried i would end up like my mother, but i must have got some good genes from my Dad...just praying my DDs haven't inherited any of it.
AB