Anxious - is it too late to change?

[mid40crisis]

Really feel like anxiety is/ has ruined my life. I have never been diagnosed or contacted a doctor but everything is limited by it in terms of career, friendships etc. I seem OK on the outside and I am sure people think I have a great life as I am always chatty and friendly, have a nice husband and children. Inside my inner voice basically always tells me I am not good enough and even the slightest thing sets me off on a spiral of anxiety. I avoid so many things to stop this happening. I sometimes look back at photos and I look so happy but I know that I wasn't as I never am. Most of my anxiety is centred around letting people down, making myself look stupid, offending someone or killing someone (motorways!). There is also another whole category of anxiety about my children getting hurt out on their bikes! There is also a general level of self-hate.
My latest cause of anxiety is accepting a new job and now
going through the job description thinking I can't do it as it asks for some things at an advanced level (which I am intermediate at best) though they didn't touch on this in the interview. I have to give up a (similar but slightly less in-depth) job I feel comfortable in to do this but I need more hours/income so have to go for it. I know the settling in stage is going to be terrible. It doesn't matter how lovely my colleagues are or how good the training is, I just hate new jobs. I have never been sacked, had a bad review, being bullied at work or anything, there is no real reason for it apart from worrying they are going to expect me to be better than I am. I feel so sick and really wish I had never applied.
I had a very difficult time as a child when I was sent to boarding school as I literally spent the first 3 years not speaking. That time ruined me and I can still remember the non-stop feeling of sickness and anxiety with no one to speak to about it. I also felt deeply ashamed of myself during this time.
Anyway, I suppose from reading threads on here that maybe I could call the doctor for help. However, it seems like it is just who I am and I should just carry on how I have always done. I just wanted to ask, has anyone else waited a long time to get help and did the help offered work?

It's late and I'm just off to bed but I would urge you to look into Core Beliefs - all the feelings you (and lots of other people) have will probably have emanated from the views you formed as a child; about who you are, about other people and about the world around you.

The good news is that you can change these views.

Many thanks for taking the time to reply. I had a quick google about Core Beliefs and it looks interesting. Will have a proper look later but I better get on with some work now!

Hi, didn’t want to read and not respond. I know nothing about mental health and counselling but I do think you are carrying quite a burden. I would have thought talking it through with a counsellor you trust must help. Of course it’s not too late. I don’t think this is who you are, it’s more like an unhealthy habit you have to try and change. Try and be your own best friend and advocate for yourself and get that weight lifted.

You are ONLY mid 40s op, half of your life to go yet! Of course it's not too late.

Please get help! If you want to talk through your fears you could try person centred counselling. If you want to look at changing your behaviour have a think about CBT. If you've had any trauma that has contributed to this feeling you could look into EMDR.
Anxiety is extremely common, affecting millions of people, and absolutely you can get help to feel better.

Hey I think you need some Cbt
Maybe some other therapy would help too
I had severe anxiety, I felt this way as well, that it couldn’t be changed and that it was just who I was. I’ve been through a bunch of therapy and to be honest I still have anxiety but it doesn’t take over my every thought anymore. I think back to how I felt and it feels exhausting just remembering it.
I don’t want to lie and say you can definitely be ‘cured’ in my experience that isn’t the case (though that’s just my experience), but from my experience I know my quality of life got SO much better, my anxiety has gone from a 10 to probably a 2 with occasional flare ups and I’m so much happier in myself and with myself
Through Cbt I dealt with my core beliefs and the mental load I was carrying and was able to leave behind some of the things I believed about myself or my relationships and that was a real weight off my shoulders

Definitely speak with your doctor

@IdblowJonSnow

You are ONLY mid 40s op, half of your life to go yet! Of course it's not too late.

Please get help! If you want to talk through your fears you could try person centred counselling. If you want to look at changing your behaviour have a think about CBT. If you've had any trauma that has contributed to this feeling you could look into EMDR.
Anxiety is extremely common, affecting millions of people, and absolutely you can get help to feel better.

Emdr may be incredibly helpful for you if you still have feelings of shame or other negative things that stem from those early years. It’s truly like a light bulb moment

Another vote for cognitive behaviour therapy. If you can afford it, get a private counsellor, as the waiting list on the NHS is massive.
You can also look at CBT techniques online, but working with a therapist is more effective.
You can train yourself in relaxation techniques, and at the same time challenge and remodel all the thought processes causing the anxiety. Often these are deep beliefs from childhood that you are incompetent or worthless, and they can be replaced by feelings of self nurture and confidence, with practice.
I had nine sessions with a therapist ten years ago, and it transformed my life.

Many workplaces offer 6 sessions for free, you could check your benefits package if you work for a large organisation

It isn't too late OP, I was super anxious for more than 50 years and am now fine on medication and with therapy. I also have a diagnosis which really helps as I can buy self help books specifically for my condition.
its such a relief to be able to go to work now and not obsess for 10 minutes before I open an email.