My brother seems really depressed and I don't know how to help

[helpingmybro]

I haven't really suffered with my mental health - I know how lucky I have been.

My dad did, indeed my paternal grandmother really suffered and she was put in the asylum and given electric shock many years ago.

And my brother seems to suffer somewhat but it's apparent it's bad now.

He stopped working a year ago for Covid - he worked a trade (unqualified) and tended to work alone. His mental health ebbed and flowed but generally ok.

He's not worked for a year. He has been a house husband and he has done a really good job with the children but it's obvious he has dropped. He is angry. Really angry. He doesn't care. About work or society or what his children might be learning. He has no confidence to get a job, he thinks the jobs are beneath him.

I think he's been gambling and his relationship is headed into toxic and probably abusive on his part. Which he isn't. He's a total softie. A lost softie.

He doesn't think he has a problem so won't speak to anyone or the doctor and why is everyone having a go at him. All said with over brimming rage and anger but with tears in the corners of his eyes. He doesn't care if he 'loses it all' and he'll get a council house.

I just don't know what to do to bring him back up.

Sorry he’s having a hard time,it’s so v tough during covid. All the upheaval
Encourage him to see GP, discuss medication,a CMHT referral, get some support
Would he attend GP alone or could you or his partner attend?

Relationship headed into toxic, what does that mean? What have you observed, what’s he said.

Thank you @HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

The toxic is his anger at the world escalating - it's this brimming anger in him. It could be something simple as a topic - anything in the news maybe, but he gets over animated, over invested and angry. Shouty. A bit stampy. He's tall and strong and just too big in the space with his opinion.
His opinion is all wrong and misaligned to life... saying things like, there's no point to being in Britain, everyone is bent and I want to move to xx European country.
He can't hold a discussion anymore. He says "what's the fucking point" a lot.

He's angry at his partner. She's had enough. She is very child centred and currently studying and working full time. She has her faults but will admit to them and isn't depressed.

His partner is linked to his GP practice. So he refuses to go the GP and refuses to move practise.

Get a gp appt
If he finds it hard to articulate it, print out what you printed
Good luck. It’s possible to achieve a better outcome
He’s fortunate you’ve got his back

nhs gambling links

He can request restricted access notes, gp only

And again thank you @HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Do you think if I wrote to his GP briefly outlining my worries, they would call him? I wanted to get it under their nose that his partner may unwittingly be a hindrance to him accessing help. I have no idea how private doctor practices are.

You can contact gp make referral on basis what you’ve said,note your concerns and his reticence . You can flag up potential conflict of interest. Be factual, and concise do not attack or cast aspersions on his partner. Stick to observable facts eg
Low mood
Hopelessness
Change in demeanour
Lack of insight
Increase in gambling

However if he doesn’t attend appts , doesn’t engage in what’s offered there is no compulsion that the gp can apply. He has to be on board with referral

If his ex is linked to gp practice he can legitimately ask for notes to be restricted access. Understandably he’ll have concerns regard confidentiality. Be assured GP take confidentiality really seriously

You don’t get a better service from private GP, however you could use a private GP for initial consultation and community mental health team referral

I wish you both well at such a difficult time

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee
You're very kind. This is really helpful.

I will ask for restricted access notes on the letter I send.
I will also tell my brother that such a thing is possible. It might be just the thing that helps.

His partner isn't his ex - yet - but he's so out of sorts and refusing that it is on the cards.

I'm really grateful for your input

Wishing you both well. Do be transparent let your brother know about the referral
Most mental health is managed in community by gp, or a CMHT , I hope he gets a resolution