About two months ago I was really unwell, it’s been approaching for a long time, since the birth of dc2 five years ago maybe.
Various things then conspired against me and all hit me at once, made worse by lockdown (as everything is, for everyone).
I basically fell apart. I felt like I didn’t want to be hear anymore. I stopped eating. I cried all the time. I purposefully harmed myself - basically to stop me doing anything worse.
I’m now in a better place, not totally better, but I’m eating again and sleeping. I had several weeks where I was too agitated to sleep.
I understand it must be hard to be the partner of someone with a mental illness - depression and anxiety really hit me hard - but I’ve never really put it onto DH and carried on doing everything id normally do. He was aware though that this time I was struggling. My parents ended up calling the crisis team. DH is aware I’d harmed myself and that I’d stopped eating. All he said about it was that it was ‘ridiculous’ and what did I think would happen to the children when I ended up in hospital because he wouldn’t cope with them and working. That was it. I don’t know what I needed him to do really, I suppose it’s really hard. I don’t feel supported I guess which was part of my spiral in the first place. I have a chronic long term condition - which is obviously my issue and my problem - but it was part of what was meaning I wasn’t getting any sleep. He didn’t offer to let me have a lie in at the weekends - carried on getting up at noon himself or make me a meal or anything. I struggle with this because clearly I’m an adult, it’s my problem and I don’t expect him to run around behind me and ‘fix’ me. But on the other hand it felt pretty lonely that he didn’t even mention it. I was literally walking around the house crying. Thank god I feel much better now.