Not in a good place

[DawnR96]

For a long time I have struggled with depression. I've been on a whole cocktails of meds and all its ever done is make me fat! I'm currently on fluoxitine and I'm feeling nothing from it.

I feel like after my mental health fell apart shortly after my youngest was born, I've lost a big chunk of me. I don't brush my hair, I don't go out, I rarely eat and when I do its on takeaway food. I know none of this helps me but its so hard to just drag myself out of bed most mornings.

I have worked so hard to get myself to a semi functioning person over the last 3 years. I've done therapy, meds and constantly reminding myself to keep going.

I'm moving house in under 3 weeks and my current house is in disarray as we're packing up stuff whilst having 3 very messy kids, one or which has additional needs. Mess is a massive trigger for me and my anxiety as I'm always so exhausted.

I used to love being a parent, now I wish I could lock myself away 24/7 and be left alone. I do all the things I need to but nothing is enjoyable. I am hurting so badly on the inside from past issues and I don't know how to fix the inside of me. I feel so broken.

I'm in uni and I've been doing really well and I have one last assignment until this year is complete but I'm just so done. So tired. So fed up. I really wish i wasn't here. I'm so unhappy all the time.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It sounds like you have a lot going on right now so please be kind to yourself, it's a lot to deal with. Can you break things down into some smaller chunks? Can someone help with the kids/ packing? Could you get an extension for your assignment until after you move? You have very mitigating circumstances and Unis often want to support students juggling care responsibilities. Could you get back in touch with your previous counsellor or talk to student support services at uni? I would suggest going back to GP though as the first prioirty and talking about your meds and how you feel. It can take a while to get the right medication and dose. If you are thinking about not wanting to be here, that call is more important than the house or assignment or anything else. You come first. Good luck, one thing at a time.