Do you have a partner with Bi-Polar?

[WhyMeWhyNot21]

Hi, I’ve NC for this just incase anybody recognises me, as I’m talking about my partner.

My OH has Bi-Polar. He was diagnosed 15+ years ago and it’s mainly managed well and doesn’t impact our lives much at all now.

I just wondered if anyone else can sympathise with how I feel?
Throughout lockdown it’s been tough...I haven’t been able to see my adult DD or grandaughter, I’ve spent months and months homeschooling our 2 younger DC (they’ve dealt with it amazingly well, I’m lucky) I haven’t been able to see any of family, my Gran is very, very poorly and I’m unlikely to see her before she passes away. My OH has been able to work through the whole pandemic so his days have been largely unaffected.

My mental health has suffered. I feel withdrawn and unmotivated. I miss my family terribly and a condition I suffer with has been put on the back burner as regards treatment. I’ve been taken to A&E various times throughout the pandemic for pain control, which has left me feeling guilty for possibly risking my family catching Covid.

I don’t feel I can talk to anyone about my MH struggles. Everyone checks on OH, obviously because they know he has Bi- Polar. I feel like if I said I was struggling then it would seem insignificant compared to his MH.
When OH has low mood i know how to help, I know he’s better if he’s busy, if he’s out in the fresh air, if he has a project/job to get on with.
I feel like I’m compromising my MH for his...but I can’t blame him because I haven’t told him.

I’m scared people won’t believe me.

Anyone?

Yes I get it

Thanks @purpleme12

It’s hard isn’t it

I don't right now, but I did, for 8 years.

Although I think the presence of his bipolar meant we learned to make MH more of a thing - we both checked in to see how we were doing, and we were much more open about how we were feeling than I've been in previous relationships. I liked that, so I now do it in my marriage, too.

I don't think people will compare what you are going through to him. It's not lesser, it's different. Please talk to someone... if not him, then a friend, or anyone.

Thankyou @TakeYourFinalPosition

I don’t think my OH has ever considered I could struggle with my MH.
I guess I cover it up well but it’s become exhausting now

My father had bipolar and it had a huge impact on the MH of my mother. She had to carry all the mental load and felt she could never take any time off or take the time to focus on her physical or mental health. She carried the entire responsibility of the family on her shoulders. This had a big impact on her MH and PH went she got older. You deserve to be taken care off too. You need start prioritizing your mental and physical health. Go visit your gran and meet your daughter and grandchildren. You don't need to explain in detail to anything to anyone. Just tell them that it's been hard on you and you need some time with your family. It's perfectly understandable. You also need to have a conversation with your P and let him know that you need time and attention to focus on your physical and mental health. Get your physical health sorted as well. Stop thinking about how others are going to perceive things... You are human being and you deserve rest, care and attention like everyone else. Just because your partner has high needs ... Doesnt mean you become a martyr and sacrifice your mental and physical health. Stop being passive and take charge. It is in best interest of you and your entire family that you are in a good physical and mental health

Thankyou @Reearry

That makes sense. I’m no use to any of them if I’m not on form.
I know he’d hate for me to feel like I was being a martyr. He does such a great job of looking after us all and he works so hard.