How do I get over my childhood trauma?

[Pumpkink]

Trigger warning suicide, depression and alcohol abuse.

Sorry in advance this may end up being long.

I'm wondering how I can seek help and where to seek help about my childhood trauma. My mother and father were both frequent drinkers going on weekend benders and then becoming incredibly aggressive (verbally) towards each other mostly my mother towards my father. My father used to become volatile and smash things up around the house.

They would have what I would describe as manic periods of time where they would constantly argue and threaten to kill themselves. As a youngster probably around 7/8 years old I would hide in my room until the shouting stopped, one day it did and I went downstairs they were both gone but I could hear a car engine revving, I followed the noise to the garage where I found both of them and a pipe leading from the exhaust into the car. I would often during these periods of time go around the house and hide pills etc.

This happened almost 20 years ago now and it's only just coming to a head. I've been talking more to my partner about how I feel and unfortunately feel like I've let the plug out of the bath and it's all coming flooding back. I'm struggling with how to deal with my feelings and emotions. When I turned around 18 I remember having a conversation with my mother about her behaviour and how upsetting it was to me, she would tell me that I was selfish to think like this and it was the only way at the time to handle things. She's a very self centered person and I struggle at the best of times to have a healthy relationship. Since moving away from my hometown I have found some well needed independence and feel free from her controlling ways. I just want all of this to be put to bed but have no idea where to even start.

Sorry you were brought up with those people OP, it sounds horrendous. Have a look at Pete Walkers website and book, CPTSD from surviving to thriving. You can get it on Amazon, it was free on kindle to download.

You need to see a therapist and need some kind of trauma related therapy. I would also suggest Al anon regarding the alcoholism or check out info on Adult Children: adultchildren.org/

Make an app with your GP if you feel overwhelmed, she may know of helpful local resources. You can also find cheap therapy at Anxiety UK. Also ask the GP about medication.

You might find EMDR helpful for the trauma of the attempted suicide.

Look after yourself. Cut down on drink or stop drinking. Eat healthily, exercise and practise positive affirmations. Look into mindful meditation. You might also find inner child work helpful.

Hey OP,
I’ve just started the process of healing my extensive trauma through my childhood and I started on the NAPAC website and went from there. I’ve also found some really helpful books, starting with The Body Knows the Score, which is a book about how traumas affect our bodies and the different therapies we can use to heal them. Getting past you past by Francine Shapiro is a great book with practical exercises. She also invented EMDR which is a very effective therapy that I’m hoping to start. I have had therapy before, but I wasn’t really ready to start the process but my trauma responses (how I react to every thing in my life in fight or flight) has to be dealt with.
I’m really sorry you were dealt such a shitty hand, our stories are very similar.

Sorry for your horrendous childhood.

I can’t recommend EMDR enough. I form it through he NHS but had to do a self referral, assessments and wait almost a year. It sounded like madness when they described the process but it worked. Absolutely life changing. I was in a constant state of high stress - fight or flight and it all stopped. I still have difficulty interacting with my parents and still drink too much but the constant anxiety and bad dreams have stopped.