Weird anxiety issue - can anyone relate?

[FelineUK]

I guess it's come on since I hit my 50s, I'm 55 this year.. an anxiety issue that has started is to do with 'stuff' or 'things', having, in my mind, too much of anything and what can I do with it.. what am I going to do with.. and what's going to happen to it once I get too old to deal with it!

For example..

Book, CDs, DVDs - I look around at my bookshelves.. too full (but I'm just talking about a few bookshelves, not wall-to-wall); too many cookery books in the kitchen (about 12) which I hardly use now as I tend to get recipes quicker online, but they're laying on the worktop making me feel guilty because I never use them
Too many clothes - some I wear now, some I can't fit into.. yet (I have been slimming so hope to fit into more - just tried on about half a dozen coats, three of which I can now wear so diet's working!) Some clothes I keep because 'what if'
Too much jewellery - well that's what my brain is telling me as I hardly wear jewellery these days as ears have become so sensitive

And then we get to what I see online..

Bookmarks - all these bookmarks, when am I ever going to use them?
Email inboxes and folders - whenever gmail tells me how much space I'm using I panic and start deleting old emails.. but as many as I delete as many new ones arrive
Pinterest - the mother of all anxiety, I used to love pinterest but now it's just like a weight on my shoulder - go to one recipe for a cheesecake and there's a link to a thousand more and you just think 'but I don't have enough hours in the day to make all these!!'
Instagram - same thing - recipe, travel, DIY, hack ideas - you save them all, and then think 'when am I ever going to refer to these'.. but the pressure is there.
Phone - downloaded apps I've never or rarely used but just can't quite hit the 'delete app' button.
TV - we did have a separate piece of equipment to watch foreign channels but stopped using it, thank god.. 100+ channels.. what the hell! Bad enough with just the three or so main channels we watch, with Netflix, and even that's too much choice!

And so on and so on. I am bombarded by stuff and options, and the stress of it manifests as genuine anxiety attacks with heavy, shallow breathing, racing heart and unable to focus. It's ridiculous.

There must be some psychological reason why I'm feeling like this. Lack of control? Concern about future (I have no kids to take care of stuff once I'm gone)? Some stuff like clothes I'm trying to get rid of, other things it's more difficult, some sentimentality attachment etc. With the internet, I need to stop bookmarking or keeping emails - just read and delete, delete, delete! When I was younger it was ok to have a 'cosy' home full of things, but now I want to have a minimal existence so there's less to deal with later in life.

Can anyone relate to this.. anyone at all?

Watch the documentary on Netflix called the minimalists

Yes.
Stuff and clutter never bothered me when I was younger.
Now I am overwhelmed by:
Books - too many
Kitchen cupboards - too full
Kitchen equipment- too much
Garden - too many plants
Remote controls - too many
Washing- Too many loads
Clothes - too many
Photographs - what am I going to do with them all?

The list goes on and on.

It’s anxiety resulting in a feeling of loss of control.
My brain can’t process things as quickly.

It started a few years ago and has just got worse and worse. I plan ‘clear outs’ constantly but procrastinate so nothing gets done.
I know that the reality is that My house is perfectly tidy and not over cluttered but knowing that cupboards are full of stuff haunts me!! 😅

I am peri-menopausal btw.

Btw I’m nearly 50

Wonder if it’s a natural next phase. I’m 58 and had a really good ‘sympathetically disposed’ of loads of stuff over the last five years. Feel lighter and ready to move forward without the baggage.

I'm like this and I'm in my forties. Fantasising about downsizing from our house to an apartment in a few years and living in a minimalist way.

Have started using loads of things up, selling things and clearing out.

@16purplecolour16

Wonder if it’s a natural next phase. I’m 58 and had a really good ‘sympathetically disposed’ of loads of stuff over the last five years. Feel lighter and ready to move forward without the baggage.

I think it is.

I remember my Mum emptying the house (almost) when she was in her 50s. 😂

I want a good throw out because I don’t want my kids to have to do it when I die. I think it’s a natural ‘getting older’ thing.

I have this. I get all twitchy when I see (or perceive) clutter or excess. My inbox has no emails in it, they are all in folders. I fill charity bags as fast as i receive them and have tons of stuff in the shed for charity shops. Mine doesn't feel like a next phase, it feels more like an oppressive weight that I need to shake off but never seem to.

Interesting. I have not thought about this, then again I have periodically felt overwhelmed when I have too much background stuff. It is like a cloud over my head and makes me indefinably unable to relax in my environment.

Interesting about it being a symptom of growing old. I am in my 50s. Perhaps the brain slowing down and not able to process so much clutter causes increasing low thresholds of existential unease and need to simplify.

Another reason could be lockdown? You are probably in your living space much more (actually almost all the time in my case since I WFH) that you cannot ignore the mess.

My life with work and teenagers is pretty busy. I can only tidy is small chunks at a time - it feels relaxing and a breath of fresh air when I regain a small space, even if it is in my email inbox.

I promised myself that after the children leave home for university in 5 years' time, I will do a great big spring clean and get to all the chores at the bottom of my todo list. It makes me very happy thinking about this and I am actually looking forward to this (not the children leaving home though).

Look up 'Swedish Death Cleaning', it's a tradition as people age over there to get their affairs in order but also to massively declutter, supposedly to help their families once they pass but I suspect it also greatly benefits their clarity of mind and mental wellbeing to simplify their lives.

You're only in your 50s so I'm not at all suggesting your time is coming! But it's a cultural tradition that we could learn a lot from over here. I'm late 30s and I'm already overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff I own and I totally understand what it's like to have too many mental lists, unread text messages, disorganised clothes etc. It's incredibly claustrophobic to be surrounded by both physical and mental clutter.

Have you looked at how ADHD presents in adults? Bit of a long shot but it can lead to some of the things you describe as you're constantly distracted so never complete something (for example, having lots of unread messages and the endless open internet tabs).

I can relate

I’m 54 and an constantly trying to get rid of stuff . For many years I’ve felt oppressed by belongings and somehow not allowed to own too much

I think I have so much to get rid of. In fact my house is fairly minimal but messy

Me too..,I'm 52. gradually getting rid of as much as I can..waiting for charity shops to reopen!

Yes, I get this-it’s a feeling of ‘overwhelm’ I think.

I can relate mid 40s and I want to desperately move and sell up - when I got to the bottom of this urge I realise it's simply so I can clear out all the attics, the clutter, the junk as I feel trapped and stressed with it all.

So I've started to focus on one room at a time. But I feel it building up.

Swedish death cleaning - is this the new hygge?

@SomethingOnce

Swedish death cleaning - is this the new hygge?

No it’s not warm, ambience, coziness and contentment it’s where you get rid of all the clutter and stuff you’ve accumulated. Things you don’t need anymore and will be of no use to others — So that no one else has to do it for you after you die.

Basically, getting your house in order so that when you die your relatives aren’t left with a ridiculous amount of stuff to sift through.
It includes paperwork as well as possessions.

Yeah, I just meant a potentially marketable lifestyle trend from that region of the globe I do realise the vibe, for want of a better word, isn’t quite the same.

Seems very sensible anyhow. Though I’d rather do it now (40s) - and keep it done - than save it for later.

@FelineUK

I guess it's come on since I hit my 50s, I'm 55 this year.. an anxiety issue that has started is to do with 'stuff' or 'things', having, in my mind, too much of anything and what can I do with it.. what am I going to do with.. and what's going to happen to it once I get too old to deal with it!

For example..

Book, CDs, DVDs - I look around at my bookshelves.. too full (but I'm just talking about a few bookshelves, not wall-to-wall); too many cookery books in the kitchen (about 12) which I hardly use now as I tend to get recipes quicker online, but they're laying on the worktop making me feel guilty because I never use them
Too many clothes - some I wear now, some I can't fit into.. yet (I have been slimming so hope to fit into more - just tried on about half a dozen coats, three of which I can now wear so diet's working!) Some clothes I keep because 'what if'
Too much jewellery - well that's what my brain is telling me as I hardly wear jewellery these days as ears have become so sensitive

And then we get to what I see online..

Bookmarks - all these bookmarks, when am I ever going to use them?
Email inboxes and folders - whenever gmail tells me how much space I'm using I panic and start deleting old emails.. but as many as I delete as many new ones arrive
Pinterest - the mother of all anxiety, I used to love pinterest but now it's just like a weight on my shoulder - go to one recipe for a cheesecake and there's a link to a thousand more and you just think 'but I don't have enough hours in the day to make all these!!'
Instagram - same thing - recipe, travel, DIY, hack ideas - you save them all, and then think 'when am I ever going to refer to these'.. but the pressure is there.
Phone - downloaded apps I've never or rarely used but just can't quite hit the 'delete app' button.
TV - we did have a separate piece of equipment to watch foreign channels but stopped using it, thank god.. 100+ channels.. what the hell! Bad enough with just the three or so main channels we watch, with Netflix, and even that's too much choice!

And so on and so on. I am bombarded by stuff and options, and the stress of it manifests as genuine anxiety attacks with heavy, shallow breathing, racing heart and unable to focus. It's ridiculous.

There must be some psychological reason why I'm feeling like this. Lack of control? Concern about future (I have no kids to take care of stuff once I'm gone)? Some stuff like clothes I'm trying to get rid of, other things it's more difficult, some sentimentality attachment etc. With the internet, I need to stop bookmarking or keeping emails - just read and delete, delete, delete! When I was younger it was ok to have a 'cosy' home full of things, but now I want to have a minimal existence so there's less to deal with later in life.

Can anyone relate to this.. anyone at all?

Ah yes. I think lockdown has made it worse as we see it all the time. Its very much a modern problem - too much stuff.

I'm working through a wardrobe and an email clear out. I can only do it step by step but it feels good to do something bit by bit.

Started to unsubscribe from emails. Downloaded an app that is currently deleting 15000 emails. We Buy Books- changed my desire to cling to books when I realised there is ££ to be made! Keep nicest cookbooks.

I listened to a good book about Internet Addiction, I can't remember the name but it got me into deleting Apps and organising them into a few folders.

I had to delete Pinterest for the reasons you describe. On Instagram I only follow things that only have mild interest (nature pictures and underwater) otherwise way too addictive.

This is probably a bit wierd but for some items...I actually took a photo of them then got rid.

Ah, very interesting and a relief to know I'm not alone with this.

Overwhelm, procrastinate - words I know only too well.

@Whenthesunshines - I get that too - my house is tidy with everything in its place, but too many places. I clear out and whilst I don't have much compared to others maybe, it's still too much for my brain to handle.

Whilst I still have the energy and ability to sort out, I'd like to do so now rather than leave it 20 years.

My husband is not a horder but he doesn't like getting rid. We have boxes of electrical plugs, cables, computer wires, gadgets, mice, all 'just in case'. His chest of drawers are so full they can't be closed.

@16purplecolour16 - what things did you choose to keep; where and how did you dispose of items (I use Ebay a lot, never given to charity shops as aren't they always overfull anyway. Clothes - if I don't sell on ebay I can never find places that can collect as I don't have my own transport).

@DinosaurDiana - my father's leaving me that lovely job of emptying his house. I keep telling him to start getting rid of stuff now but he insists on keeping it and that I can do that once he's gone. I mean, I'm an only child.. thanks Dad - I hope I'm retired by that point cos goodness knows when I'd get the time to sort out your stuff! He's got all the nick-nacks that he and Mum used to have, so much kitchen stuff that he doesn't use; a library full of books which I've told him to start cataloging as he doesn't have anything much to do all day...

@Superstardjs - I too put all emails in folders but I have about 20 folders full of crap. The idea is to have just a few folders and delete everything else. Oppressive. Yes.

@blueshoes - i think it's the fact that I don't have kids, siblings or particularly close relatives, that's causing anxiety about all the stuff.

Books - get rid of all read ones, keep unread
DVDs - sell
Music - find on Spotify or copy to itunes and sell CDs.
Tapes - Mums mainly.. sentimental reasons, but as above.
Candles - how many powercuts do we have per year.. none! Burn em!
Did I mention my 1TB external hard drive with tons of photos on. That needs sorting out too.
Notes on iphone... can't even remember what half of them were for!

@RosemaryShortcake - photographs - I absolutely know what you mean. I take photographs of recipes, serial numbers, shopping lists etc. most of which never get viewed again and just sit there clogging up my iphone. They are then downloaded to my computer into yet another 'to sort' folder which never gets sorted.

At weekends I'm full of good intentions. Either sell stuff on ebay or clear out an email folder, or go through and delete photos. But do you realise how freakin' time consuming that is and what a waste of time - I get angry because I shouldn't have 50000 photos in the first place! We're talking hours and hours, all day, to review and then delete perhaps 500 emails or photos, no wonder I just put Netflix on! It's just never-ending.

I wonder if this is why I hanker after a van-life, as some of the older lifers have literally their homes behind them. What you see is what you have.

I think I do need to just employ the use it or lose it policy. Haven't used the hubby for a while.. where can I lose him and his gadgets!

Oh.. I'm a year post-menopausal btw.

Interesting. Sorting through my mum's stuff 6 years ago made me realise I need to seriously declutter.

Ironically some of the stuff I need to declutter is her stuff, now in my loft!

She actually didn't have vast amounts of stuff as she de-dad'ed her place when dad went 10 years ago; bunt downfall is a big loft, and a sentimental streak.

One think I struggle with is 'value'. There so much stuff I think 'That's worth a bit of cash' but most of it would take more of my time to sell than it's 'worth', but cumulatively it does have value. I just can't find the time to sort it!

But this thread is inspiring to to do something about it.

The photos overload is the hardest one to sort. De-cluttering is almost the easy part. I have it in my mind to make prints of my most cherished and put them into a photoalbum or photobook. I have not done this since 2010! I am adding to the 'clutter' but this is good clutter. I don't trust that the file formats available for storing digital photos will be around in 20 years' time and prints are the most durable format for future generations.

@Miljea - I will have exactly the same problem with Dad's stuff. Original pieces of art, porcelain, collectables, first editions.. it'll be finding the time to find the right buyer. And of course there will be Mum's stuff which for me will be really hard to let go of.

@blueshoes - that's a good idea. I got hubby to scan all my photos which are now stored on 1 TB hard drive. But for me it's not a big problem if they don't last as who am I going to give them to? Without kids to appreciate them, they'll just be laying somewhere, and the scans will disappear one day. Not having kids to pass history and memories to is another (sad) issue..

I can relate to aspects of this. I'm not a hoarder but have accumulated an excess of clothing, books etc over the years. I need to have a sort out but feel stuck and unable to do it.

When i look at the cupboard or drawers, i think 'ugh' and feel uncomfortable before closing the drawers/doors on it. It's discomfort about making decisions of what to keep/chuck. It's also about the past and the future.