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Possible abuse in childhood

3 replies

Fde9980 · 13/03/2021 23:21

I’m not sure if I’m posting this in the right place...I think I may have been sexually abused as a child but I can’t remember the abuse.

It’s a long story but my mum and real dad split when I was 1..she met another man when I was around 2 who she stayed with till I was 6, he was know to me as my real dad. I loved him and saw him / thought he was my real dad (only found like when I was about 7). When they split up me and him still saw each other every other weekend as he’d raised me as his own child and I didnt really see him any differently. He was violently abusive to her and that’s why they split but I always remember him being very good with me ..he has a drinking problem but when he was sober he did a lot with me and I was probably closer to him than my mum as she worked away a lot.

I kept seeing him every other weekend until I was 9. I couldn’t really remember why we stopped seeing each other...my mum met someone else and I was very messed up round that age and as a teenager, self harming etc. I thought he stopped seeing me because my mum met someone else and kind of pushed him out ..so I always resented my mum for it.

When I was about 21 me and my mum went on holiday together...got really drunk and I asked her..I told her I still missed him and don’t understand what happened. She told me one weekend that he had me..I came home really upset and said he’d touched my breasts?! She said I was really upset and didn’t want to see him again. I literally don’t remember any of this but I also don’t remember anything about how we stopped being in touch. She said she spoke to him and it sounded like a misunderstanding, he’d helped me get changed and Id been self conscious because I was was getting older and more conscious of my body or something. She never thought anything bad had happened..she said after that I just ‘grew out of him’ and lost touch.

I just don’t understand though why I don’t remember any of this. I’m 30 now but even when I was 20 I don’t remember this time of my life.

I’ve always had this feeling that something bad happened I can’t put my finger on why but if there’s ever anything on tv or the news about child abuse it seems to really affect me. I started my own family last year and had a daughter...since having her something has happened where I keep obsessing over my past. I keep seeing how vulnerable she is and it feels like it’s bringing back memories or something...it makes me so angry that anyone could do that to a child.

This is just a rant really..it’s something I try not to think about because I almost don’t want to know but lately I feel consumed by it. I had my suspicions before my mum told me the story but I only ever remember my step dad being kind.

OP posts:
IdblowJonSnow · 13/03/2021 23:35

This sounds extremely difficult OP.
It's not uncommon for people with this type of experience to block out traumatic memories.
Would you consider accessing therapy to explore this further?
It's very natural to revisit things as we raise our own children and that we feel extremely protective of them.
Hope you're ok and someone with wiser words will be along to help soon.

CleanandLight · 14/03/2021 00:23

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn by MNHQ at user's request.

Fde9980 · 14/03/2021 00:34

Thank you and I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. I have contacted a therapist online as I recognise this is something I need to deal with. I actually saw a therapist about 5 years ago but I stopped after two sessions..he had hinted at child abuse after trying to ask me questions about my childhood (I never told him about the incident I mentioned above) but he said because I couldn’t remember hardly anything of my childhood that was an Indicator for abuse.

I also took drugs heavily in my early 20s..worked as a lap dancer and then as an escort for about 6 months so I’m sure this fits some stereotype for abuse. I now don’t do drugs, have a high paid job and a normal life but since I’ve had my daughter I feel this gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach as I think it’s forced me to reflect on my own childhood, coupled with how protective of her I feel.

My mum was a good mum...j can’t imagine her just not doing anything if I came home and said he’d touched me..I can imagine her killing him herself! But I don’t remember anything really and I loved him..I wouldn’t have ‘grown out of him’ and abruptly not wanted to see him.

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