I need help

[hoohoo]

Please bear with me this is long. I need to get this all out and i don't know what to do.
Bit of history i'm 23 and since the age of 13 ish i've suffered from depression sometimes really bad and other times not so bad. I took an overdose at 14. For the last two years it has been quite bad been on prozac, citolopram, venlafaxine (prozac again when i was pg) and now on duluxetine. i had a baby in July. i also have 2 other ds's
i don't know how to get this out.
I seem to be trapped in a black hole of depression at the moment the worst i can remember.
I suffer from feelings of extreme feelings of been 'superwomen' to the pits of darkness. When i'm good i'm constantly on the go, planning big projects, hardly eating, needing very little sleep. I'm constantly buzzing my mind whirring away all the time can't stop moving.
But now i'm on a real low, i self harm( not cutting but picking away at my skin, i'm covered in sores} I'm not sleeping at all well and just want to stay in bed all day. Takes me ages to get to sleep and only really sleep for 30-40 mins at a time. Most of the time i feel almost as if i'm not in my body and i just go through the motions. The other day i drove to the shop and couldn't remember even driving there. I feel like i don't want to be here. Am on the verge of tears all the time, scared to start cos i wont stop.
This is my life from one extreme to an other never balanced.
Last Thursday i couldn't take it anymore, felt my meds weren't helping. so phoned the doctors to see my regular dr but it was two weeks til i got an appt. Got through to the emergency dr who asked me to come down. I tried to explain how i feel but find it extremely hard to explain it in words. She said she couldn't change my meds, she was going to phone the pyschiatrist, the pyshchiatrist nurse to come see me and my health visitor. She told me to keep taking my meds also gave me sleeping tablets. I've been taking the sleeping tablets but still no change. Not heard from anybody since Thursday and each day is getting worse, i just don't know what to do. My mum has come up everyday since Friday to look after my boys as i'm just not able to whilst Dh is at work. I'm so scared.
This probably doesn't make much sense but if you can please help me.

I don't know what to say. I hope someone can help you soon. xx

I dont know a lot about it but sounds like you might be manic depressive/have bipolar disorder.
my bro-in-law was this and used to get the manic highs where he would be full of all these huge plans and ideas, not need to sleep, feeling hyper. Followed by crashing lows.
im quite like this myself although on a less dramatic scale.

Please ask if you can be tested to see if you have bipolar disorder, my bro in law was never diagnosed properly then it was too late.

You poor thing there are people out there who are trained to help you and who want to help you . Can you not ask your mum to make a call to the surgery to try to speed up things for you ? I am sure there are some support groups you could contact. I hope somebody can give you some more concrete advice and help.
Take Care and I hope things get better for you soon

I feel compelled to answer you, there's lots of us hear to talk to you. Can you get in touch with you pyschiatric nurse again tomorrow first thing and tell her you are feeling worse, desperate even. Ask for an urgent referral to a pyschiatrist even if it means admittance to a unit whilst you undergo tests and monitoring. Has bi-polar ever been mentioned ?

Does your DH know how you are feeling, can he help you get help IYSWIM ?

Stay strong, there will be people more qualified than me along anytime soon

My mum said she will phone tomorrow when she comes up. I just thought maybe someone would have phoned. I'm scared to say how i really feel in case the take me away.

ask your gp to test your thyroid function, you have described all the symptoms i had before an under active thyroid was diagnosed!

sometimes depression can be caused by 'actual' physical illlness if you get what i mean! (am truly not dismissing mental illness, am just saying that other factors can cause how you feel)