Mental health nosedived and overwhelmed

[PregStressedAnon]

I'm so overwhelmed by how I am feeling and feel so alone.

Went back to work in December after maternity leave and a sabbatical, so nearly 2 years off, and have found it really really hard. Confidence shattered and living in constant state of anxiety. Had a bit of a breakdown and took a week off. Started sertraline but then I fell pregnant again. This was wanted but we had decided to stop trying and wait for my MH to improve but we were too late. My MH declined v quickly. It's a pattern with me, I can cope until suddenly I can't.

GP advised coming off meds as I am preg so I have. MH was OK but has now got worse again. Feeling so depressed. Hate myself, I'm a shit mum and wife and just a burden now. Can't leave job as I want to contribute and save for this new baby and will ruin any credibility I have there.

I love my son and feel so guilty I am such a loser. Honestly dont want to get out of bed in the morning, feel dread about how I am going to cope with this new baby and no excitement yet at all.

Husband is lovely but is so emotionally stable I dont think he understands how bad I feel. I feel ashamed so shy away from spelling it out.

So lost.

Firstly, you are not a loser. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you're not coping so by posting here you've taken the first step and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Anxiety is a horrible feeling but it is fixable with the right help. Have you talked to your GP about counselling?

@Sarahlou63 thank you, I'm finding it really hard to be kind to myself. I am on a waiting list for CBT and so haven't got any support in the way of medication or counselling at the moment. I have a nice GP but not sure how they can help beyond signing me off which I don't really want to do.

The advice to cone off your meds is outdated and unhelpful - Sertraline is known to be safe in pregnancy. You could ask your Gp to talk to a psychiatrist locally or the perinatal mental health team to check. I was on it through my pregnancy and everyone in mh said the benefits of better mh in the mum far outweigh any risk to the baby. Sorry you’re having such a tough time.

you’re absolutely not a loser at all. you’re just ill, and not receiving adequate support

as doricgirl says, sertraline is nowadays known to be safe for pregnancy use and the benefits outweigh the unlikely risks. I’d visit your GP and ask to be put back on it if you found it helpful before (or you could try another SSRI)

I’m assuming private therapy isn’t an option for you atm?