I'm a regular poster but don't want this linking to my other, usually jovial posts!
So, there's lots of issues from my childhood. I'm not prepared to share them here, as they are not relevant to this problem and may be identifying, but it has shaped who I am and lead, in part, to my own mental health issues including anxiety and depression.
I live on the other side of the country to my mum. I moved here for uni. I felt a huge weight off my shoulders when I realised how much better life is away from the negativity of home. My parents split up when I was young, relationship with my dad is bareable, but again, not relevant to this issue.
I ring my mum a couple of times a week. I often ring to tell her something, and come away feeling utterly drained because I've not got a word in edge ways. My husband often walks in on me on my phone, and doesn't realise I'm on the phone as he's not actually heard me speaking to someone! She's having a shit time at work, but she's had always had a shit time at work in the job she's done for years, but won't look at changing it - and now, which is understandable, she's just waiting to be able to retire. But when I ring her to talk to she spends the full hour complaining about it. She has friends, and my siblings to discuss it with, but she says I'm more understanding. (No, I sit and play on my phone whilst she talks and I 'listen'.) She bitches about my family, her friends, her colleagues. I know if I do say something, it will be passed on and discussed with other people.
It took me a couple of weeks to actually tell her I was pregnant, and that's happened with all three of my children. I was asked why I'd not told her sooner... But I couldn't say because I couldn't get a word in edge ways!
I feel I wasn't listened to as a child. I self harmed, I snuck food up to my room and binge ate and put on a tremendous amount of weight, I was very clearly depressed, but she never listened to me. I'm lucky I had a lovely group of friends, otherwise I could easily have ended up in the wrong crowd and going off the rails, for all the support I had. My mother was usually absorbed in her own drama, or my siblings who were more vocal about their issues. But surely, as a mother, you notice when any of your children are struggling?
I'm so worried I'm going to end up with my own children being neglected. They aren't, and won't, and I think I annoy them by constantly checking they're okay. Showing an interest in them. Obsessive, a worrier, or being a good parent, I don't know.
Sorry. I don't know what I want from this post. I think I just need to vent.
I would consider going low or non contact, and I'm sure then I'll be bitched about. Even if I don't call, she calls me and goes on so not that easy to just avoid.
Gaahh. Thank you for reading if you've got to the end of this.
TLDR; Mother doesn't give a shit.