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How to recover from a toxic parent

8 replies

FiveNightsAtMummys · 23/02/2021 12:45

One of my parents is toxic. Not physically but mentally. This has been going on all my life, I never thought it really bothered me but I've recently come to the realisation that actually is has badly affected my mental health. I suffer from anxiety, depression, ocd and an eating disorder.

Some things include:

  • saying negative things about my appearance. E.g I looked fat and disgusting and had let myself go (I was heavily pregnant)
  • saying negative things about anything I don't.
  • at one point of my life she actually went out of there way to make my life harder and bad mouthed me to everyone and made lies up.
  • sold my things and kept the money.

Things have sort of been OK the past few years, they are still very negative about things. More recently they have been telling my dc how unfair it is I don't let them come for a sleep over and that I'm "crazy". - I don't seen them because there's a pandemic and we're not aloud to see anyone except support bubble (which they are not).

Sorry if that's confusing using "them" it is just one of them but I'm trying not to be outing. One parent isn't in my life anymore.

My question is has anyone got any tips / recommendations of books / videos etc to help me deal with this?
I'm feeling sad again laid in bed because I'm being "rediculas" for not bringing my dc for a sleep over... in the middle of a pandemic, when it's not allowed and they are a key worker mixing with lots of people daily.

Anyway any help would be greatly received thank you.

OP posts:
moreofalurker · 23/02/2021 12:49

Girl, remove them from your life. If they bring nothing but negativity why are they still in your life?

FiveNightsAtMummys · 23/02/2021 12:56

I'm scared of then, they would go out of my way to make my life hell if I did that. Which is a shit reason I know. I also live in the hope one day they'll change into the parent u want, false hope. I think this pandemic has opened my eyes to how they have a negative impact of my life. I will definitely distance myself when this is over, trying to set boundaries. I don't know what to do really feeling a bit mixed up at the moment.

OP posts:
FiveNightsAtMummys · 23/02/2021 12:57

So sorry for the spelling mistakes, I'm actually nearly 40!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 23/02/2021 12:59

At nearly 40 they can’t make your life hell. Go no contact. Block. If they harass you then it’s a police matter.

IdblowJonSnow · 23/02/2021 13:10

They won't change OP. I would go no contact as they sound horrible.
Admitting to yourself that they won't change is a tough process to go through. Could you maybe access counselling?
You sound terrified of this parent.

Robin233 · 23/02/2021 13:44

They sold your stuff and kept the Money.
Stop right.
A good mum puts the kids first.
They do what's best for the kids , not the other way round.
Avoid.

Bookaholic73 · 23/02/2021 13:46

Therapy helped me, plus VLC and NC at times.

FiveNightsAtMummys · 23/02/2021 15:31

Thank you, I think counciling is probably the way forward.

OP posts:
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