Loss of a loved one and the aftermath

[Silvercarpet]

We lost my father in law a month ago and my partner is overcome with grief. We have the funeral this week and as each day has passed he has become more and more distant. “All part of the grieving process” I know all this. But I’m worried my partner is going to end up turning his back on everything good in his life and let this destroy him. His home, his family, me the kids our life we have built together over the 10 years we have been together. Atm he is not living at home as he is supporting his mum but if the subject has ever arisen in the last few weeks he says he doesn’t know what he will want in the future, meaning about everything but I’m taking it very personally and am absolutely terrified of losing him when we have already lost so much. It’s getting to the point where he can’t even look me in the eye, if we see each other then when he leaves I barely even get a peck on the check let alone a kiss on the lips. I miss him like mad and I want to b there for him but I don’t know what to do. After the funeral I think the finalisation of his father death with make him spiral out of control. Once we have had the funeral there really is no going back, it will finally hit him that we will never see his dad again. With an already destructive nature in regards to drinking and coke I just know he’s going to hit it hard after the funeral. And I don’t think it’s going to b a quick thing my any means. I think it will b months until he starts to calm down and focus on himself again. When his dad died he took part of my partner with him. What the hell do I do here? I’m trying to give home space but we’ve never been apart. We have children together and they’re missing out on having their dad around too.

I remember you posted about this op. Sorry to hear you are still struggling. Have you spoken to Cruse Bereavement? He needs counselling. I think you might need too. With a destructive drinking and coke nature are you willing to go through that? I hope you can talk to someone.

To put it in perspective (trying not to project here) I know a good family, the husband died leaving the mum to bring up the kid. Did the remaining parent go off the rails? No. Why? Because they had to focus on the kid. So by giving him the hard line you might just help him.

Iv suggested bereavement counselling and he’s not interested. Currently living at his mums and I suggested coming home n he told me he will b staying with his mum until he feels ready, but that if it comes to the point where she feels she doesn’t need him there then he will have to find somewhere else to stay... he has a home here!! But I’m the one person he can’t stand to b around. I have also said to him about what would happen if I wasn’t around, what would happen to the kids if he was an only parent, his response - I don’t know. I feel like I’m at such a loss with everything. Not only dealing with the bereavement of losing his dad but it’s like he’s died too and I’m fighting for my life

Tbh it’s very soon after for counselling, let him grieve but you need to gently suggest about moving back for his own children but including his mum.

I have said numerous times about when he will be coming home. We had the funeral this week and many family members had also said the same - that he needs to b back home with his family. I’m proud that he’s supporting his mum but with what he’s said about basically if his mum says she doesn’t need him there anymore then he will find somewhere else. It just makes it more about the fact that he doesn’t want his family than that he’s there to support his mum. I’m having to keep everything together for the kids but it’s getting to the point where I’m really struggling on my own without him here. We’ve suffered so much loss and it’s been out of our hands but there is a choice with what’s happening now and me and the kids r in more pain than we need to b. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I support him in whatever he has to do to survive this but his grief is consuming absolutely everything around him