Hello,
I have struggled with my confidence levels since the first lockdown happened. During the first lockdown I was advised to shield to due a underlying health condition. I quickly adapted to stay at home with Husband and my daughter who turned 3 in that time. I did find things to help- listening to lots of podcasts, radio and walking about the garden. This was along with looking after my little lady whilst the husband would work from home. I was feeling overwhelmed by the whole situation and reduced my time on social media and news outlets to reduce anxiety. As shielding eased, I became so scared to leave home. I didn't leave the house straight away and my first trip out of the house was to go to hospital as something had happened linked to my health condition. It then led to the requirement to have an operation. As I was waiting for the operation I really struggled again with self doubt, anxiety and was trying to handle having panic attacks. I was asked to return to my job from furlough by the end of the summer which i was happy to do as I thought my confidence would come back but in the run up I struggled with panic attacks and worries that people would question why I had to shield as they didn't know my circumstances. I had put myself on a waiting list for our local wellbeing service and sought out private counselling to help the start of rebuilding. I was pretty stressed out in the run up to the operation and had difficulties in the recovery afterwards and I then had another operation. In total 2 operations in 5 weeks. About a week after the 2nd operation I broke down in tears realising what hit me in how i was struggling to cope and how i just felt empty and drained. I confided in a couple of people from work/ friends saying how it left me mentally exhausted. I woul feel so drained after every check up appointment.
I still struggle to go anywhere on my own incase i have a panic attack. I have unintentionally put so much stress and pressure on my Husband to help i.e taking me to hospital check ups, going into shops and drop offs/ collections from nursery. I still don't feel 100% comfortable in shops and was asked to shield again in the current lockdown. I have also had a flare up in OCD as well. It started to really apear when i was ill and its got worse over the last year or so. Im back on the waiting list to have some CBT to manage it.
I want to get back to the person I was - confident in leaving the house on my house, regaining a real feeling of independence and take the stress off my family. It doesn't help that I need to be on medication for a long while for my health condition and it really plays havoc with my mood. Any advice/ tips welcome.
Thank you 
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