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Lonely

7 replies

giggle48 · 18/02/2021 19:12

I just feel so lonely. My only friend told me last week that she was leaving work and I was so upset that she hadn’t told me this was even a possibility. I told her as gently as I could that I was upset - but then it all went very wrong. Apparently I was making it about me. I wasn’t. I congratulated her on her new job but said given a whole load of conversations we’d had the previous week that I felt hurt that it had come out of the blue. All lockdown I have been asking her to meet for a walk at lunchtime but she always found a reason not to but we’d text lots during the day. Now, she’s left work and she’s left me too. It sounds silly but I feel like I’m grieving. I thought we were really close and she had supported me a lot during a really difficult time. But maybe she wasn’t really my friend. I am so lucky in some ways. I have a husband and children but I find people really difficult. I’m very quiet and don’t know what to say. I have no other friends. I can’t eat. I cry all the time - I have for a few months. I’m not sleeping. Just go over in my head time and time again about what I should have done differently to not lose this friend. The sadness I feel seems disproportional to just having a friend move on. I guess my husband should be my friend, and he is, but I just want a female friend (I work with lots of men) but I’m too rubbish to know how to form friendships. This friend is the first person I thought I had bonded with in years and I’ve just been dismissed. I am sad and as ridiculous as it sounds, I feel like my heart is breaking.

OP posts:
Lokikitty · 18/02/2021 19:39

I'm really sorry that you're feeling this way. Hopefully you'll be able to sort things out with this friend. Is it possible that she was worried about telling you that she had a new job? I have lost many friends. As painful as it is ,there is a reason why some people don't stay a part of our lives. You will make new friends. In the meantime focus on you, your husband and children. Hope you feel better soon 💐

giggle48 · 18/02/2021 19:48

Thank you for replying. I saw her today and she told me that I was only ever a work friend in her eyes so she doesn't want to stay in touch. I thought we got on really well. It was her texting me all the time. I don't know if I've done something wrong and if I have I want to be able to fix it. Maybe I was just grateful that someone wanted to be my friend. Maybe I was just too difficult to be around.

OP posts:
Lokikitty · 18/02/2021 19:55

I'm sure you didn't do anything wrong, so there probably isn't anything to fix. You just wanted different things from the friendship.

Ihatesandwiches · 18/02/2021 20:03

You haven't done anything wrong! You just misread the signals. You thought you were long time friends and she was looking for company. I'm like you and was gutted when I left my job because my work friends left too. Apparently I was only good fun when I was working with them... Allow yourself to move on and make new friends where you can x

Grumpycatsmum · 18/02/2021 20:10

So sorry to hear this. If someone from work texted me all the time then I would think they were a friend too. It's horrible when things like this happen and they have to me a few times. Lockdown isn't the best time to make new real life friends but can you join some online forums? Or check out something like Meetup for book groups or something. When I moved 10 years ago my greatest loneliness came from not having a female friend to just hang out with. It does take time.

Peterbear · 18/02/2021 20:23

Sorry to hear what you're going through op. I have changed jobs and lost friends- it really hurts especially when you feel you've connected and become mates rather than just work colleagues. I think you need a bit of time to greive/wallow and then somehow pick yourself up and plod on.other people will appear in your life somewhere else down the line.big hug to you.

giggle48 · 19/02/2021 13:21

Thank you for your replies. I am going to allow myself a day or two of mourning - I keep trying to pretend that I'm not really sad and then try to move on. I read a quote today which really helped: "Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way. Embrace the change. It's inevitable for growth. Together we can shift pain into wonder and love, but it is up to us to consciously and intentionally create that connection." Maybe this friendship was only ever supposed to be transient. My closest friend from childhood died when I was 30 (I'm 42 now) and I guess I just really want to have another friend like that. But we had been friends since we were 8 and she's irreplaceable. It's hard knowing that I'll never have a friendship like that again. Maybe I need to stop trying to find a 'best friend'.

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