Feeling v low and guilty

[Goodmum1234]

This is happening more and more. I feel like I’m going to have a breakdown. I spend as much time as possible in bed and I have two children 6 and 10.
I am loving and try my best. They are loved, fed well, clean and have lots to play with but I keep spending hours and hours in bed whilst they play and watch tv.
I cannot bear to go outside and haven’t take. Them outside at all. I constantly feel guilty and know I must but I very overweight and cannot face it.
I feel that low that I actually want to end it all. I have so much going on. So lucky in many ways and so unlucky in others. I want a normal happy life but seem destined to bring myself and family down.
I know I couldn’t leave them but my mind is in a dark dark place and I can’t keep taking it.
Surely I’m a good mum even if the house is a mess (Christmas Decs still up). I work and I’m on leave but dreading going back on Monday and wondering what to do.
Sorry, rambling now but everyone thinks I’m happy as I am the best pretender I. The world but really I’m living a nightmare.
This ends but always comes back and worse.

I'm so sorry to hear you feel like this. First of all, you've done the right thing posting because it is the first step towards acknowledging that something is going wrong for you and you need some more support. You sound like your a wonderful mum who loves her DC. The house stuff is so unimportant compared to making see your DC are warm and clothed, fed and loved.
You should get some proper help though. If you feel very low, the Samaritans are always available to talk on 116123. I would also suggest asking your GP for an appointment.
I'm sure others better qualified than me will be along soon with other ideas but I didn't just want to just scroll past.
Wishing you well OP. I hope you are able to find the help you need.

Thank you. Just had a Facebook reminder and have in fact been feeling low for at least 7 years. What a waste of my life. I have doubled my weight in this time too 😪