I’m really struggling

[Zannado]

I haven’t been on antidepressants for several years and really don’t want to go back on them but lockdown is really starting to take effect now..yeah I know...me and the millions ....but I feel like this is the only place I can vent.

My unsupportive alcoholic Dh is back at work. I’m lonely (never had many friends before lockdown) I have one daughter who is just on roblox and FaceTime constantly and I have tbh I just can’t face playing games with her - I can’t wait for home schooling to return so we atleast have mandatory structure for our day. Trying to go for a walk each day but it’s effort to make conversation with my dd as we walk....yes I’m horrid aren’t I .....I’ve never felt like this before as a mum but I’m just really hating life right now. My shop is closed, I can’t drive. I have zero motivation to exercise and I’m drinking too much booze. Needless to say I’m feeling fat lazy, miserable, bad mum, bad wife you got it. And obvs I’m not sleeping.

I’m really sorry to hear how you’re feeling right now op.

How old is your DD. Don’t feel bad about struggling with conversation with her I find this fairly often with my 11 year old especially if I am struggling but sometimes I just focus on listening and that helps. My DS is now 18 and I remember a similar phase with him when he was that age. It’s a really difficult time, can you try to read or listen to things that are inspirational for you? That might help or just something light or funny. Then maybe try to add structure and routine to your own day, schedule time to do something that you enjoy, you might not feel like it but be ok once you’ve started?

How old is DD? Perhaps the MN collective can give you some activity ideas to give you both a boost.

There isn't much to talk about in the world at the moment. You're stuck at home with nothing to plan- it is dull! Don't beat yourself up about that, it's not a reflection on you.

You know your experiences of anti depressants but I would say not to avoid them if you need them.
You wouldn't stop taking blood pressure tablets when it went back into a normal range. So many feel pressured to avoid mental health meds, if it works then it works. (I get they aren't that straightforward!)

You are me op. My children are 6 and 10 and I feel like ending it all. My heart goes out to you