I am sitting crying in the car

[Feelsotrapped]

I told my DH I was going for a covid test just to get put of the house as I am feeling so trapped and confused. I feel rotten but don't think it is covid as we both tested positive 1 month ago.

I really don't know how to improve my life. I am confused as I am not sure if my DH is abusive. He is really stressed which makes him angry and he has occasional outbursts where he throws something. He was physical once, he grabbed my wrists and started punching himself with them when I confronted him about his behaviour. Afterwards he is remorseful, says he has undiagnosed adhd.

I would have left but we have a severely autistic non verbal child who does not sleep and I don't think I can care for him on my own. I think the lack of sleep and respite is affecting both of us, my DH was fired from his job as he could not concentrate. I am struggling to keep mine working from home part time and look after my autistic son and my 1 year old.

I am so exhausted and can't think straight. Just sitting in the car sobbing knowing I will have to go home at some point. There is nowhere else for me to go and no help.

There is help here and we can help you figure all this out and point you to the help IRL.

First of all, that sounds horrendous. I also have a son with ASD and I know how hard it is particularly with the lack of sleep.

Can you start with a visit to your GP? They will be able to help support your mental health which is a good first step to take.

Sending you a hug. If you were my neighbour I'd bring you out a cuppa to have in the car. It's fine to sit there and have a cry and a break from the house.

I have no answers but I could not leave you without a response. Call the GP now? You need some help.

It sounds like you and your DH are both at the end of your rope. I'm not saying he is abusive or not abusive as I can't judge based on one post. Throwing things in a rage isn't abusive unless it's aimed at you or breaking things intending to you hurt you, it is however not at all helpful or a suitable way to vent so he needs to work on stopping that.

I can just say think I've how you are feeling then figure he's probably feeling the same plus the stigma of losing his job too.

If he is not abusive and this is just him on the same verge as you, then you can pull together and get through this.
If he is abusive there is help out there for you via women's aid

I'm sure others will come along with websites and numbers you can call to get help with your SN child.

It sounds like your DH is abusive. Whether his behaviours may stem in part from conditions he has is another question - the impact on you for the time being is exactly the same.

If he does think has has ADHD (a person would usually, but not always, show a long history of difficulties starting in childhood for this to be the case) he should speak to his GP and try to get on a waiting list for a referral. There are medications that can work well for agitation etc.

Oh and the punching himself with your hands thing - sounds to me like he isn't feeling adequate. I am not a therapist though.

Oh I really feel for you! Sounds so stressful - I too would bring you a cuppa and listen to your stresses. A problem shared is a problem halved or so they say!

There are people out there that can help you and secure places you can go to if you need respite, you can take your son too. Even for just a short break.

I would start by calling the local women’s refuges in your area but also any local charities, many are able to meet up socially distanced. They are fully equipped in dealing with victims of DV. From what you explained the relationship has begun to turn aggressive and your DH needs help to manage this. It must be such a tough time for you all and I’m not judging him one bit but if things stay as they are you could all reach breaking point if one of you isn’t proactive. Give one of those places a call and you can always chat on here too, the fact you’ve reached out is the first big step so be proud of yourself for doing that!

One step at a time xxx

I would second calling a GP.
Write everything down beforehand, if you are like me, and would forget things once I am having the actual appointment.

Speak to GP and also children's social care should be able to organise some kind of respite.

I am very saddened to hear your predicament. I just want to send you my empathy and good luck. I can not unfortunately help you but as other posters have said seek advice and guidance from a doctor because of your mental stress and then you should hopefully be referred to a specialist who deal with these situations. There is much help and you are very brave already by asking strangers here. You can do it so be strong and reach out accordingly and never suffer alone. Wishing you strength and peace.

It sounds like you BOTH are at boiling point, which I’m not surprised at, your loads sound like quite a lot! However the punching thing isn’t acceptable and he needs to go sit in his car and cry before it gets to that point, like you do. He needs to manage his emotions better.

You both need help, the two of you seem to be really taken a beating with misfortune and lack of sleep on top.

Visit the go first, see if any charities or caters can come in and help, find out what support you can get and grab it with both hands!

Thank you all for your kind replies. Today was a little better, the warm weather helped and made me feel like spring was not too far off. It is interesting to hear your perspectives on my DH. I find it hard to disintangle his actions from the stresses he is under too. I am not going to make any rash decisions on our relationship until covid improves and we can get some external help so I can reevaluate our relationship in a more normal situation.

We normally rely on respite from both sets of grandparents but have not seen either in over a year, they have now all had their first vaccine dose so hopefully that will change in the next few months. I am in touch with the gp as a carer too so will hopefully get vaccinated as well.