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Mental health

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Original poster

Feel so so awful and low today, dont know what to do.

25 replies

allgonebellyup · 02/11/2007 12:48

i am scared because both my children are going away with my ex this weekend and i just know i will do something stupid when i am on my own. i want to die.
my ex is having a baby with his new girlfriend and we only split 6 months ago. i cant cope with the pain, i really cant.
my feelings for him are so strong and i feel like they will never go away.
i dont want to feel like this for the rest of my life.

im on ADS and they were working for a bit but now i am just on the floor.
i dont know what to do.
i cannot go on like this.

OP posts:

LilRedWG · 02/11/2007 12:49

Please book yourself into see the doctor this afternoon.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 02/11/2007 12:52

Allgone

So sorry to hear you are feeling so bad.

Can you plan to do something lovely to take your mind off the situation ie spend some time with a friend, or family ?

BoysAreLikeDogs · 02/11/2007 12:53

I think LilRed has the right idea, on reflection

Original poster

allgonebellyup · 02/11/2007 13:06

i have been to see the doc SO many times, i told her i was suicidal.
She told me to talk to my friends, and i have been, but they were so worried they told me to book an emergency apptmt with the doc, and see what she could do for me. So thats what i did.
The doc rolled her eyes and said "fine, pass the buck!!"

BITCH. Have seen 2 other docs but no help really.

Am planning to take ds out for walk to see the ducks as its lovely and sunny, but even then i fantasise about how to drown myself.

OP posts:

justbeme · 02/11/2007 13:23

I dont really know what to say... but am sending you ((hugs)) and hoping that someone else may know what to do and be along soon.

I take it you love your DC's and you want the best for them?? Then deep in your heart you must know that to take your own life wouldnt be good for them and that they need their Mummy.

Your Dr sounds useless - can you phone the Samaritans and they might be able to find some good help for you?

Have you got any friends/family that you could stay with this weekend?? I really dont think you should stay on your own - you need company to keep your mind busy.

I know you dont want to hear this, but things will get better - truly.

ellis65 · 02/11/2007 13:24

You must be feeling awful. But please think of your children, that's what you are living for, give them the love and support they deserve, no man is worth you wanting to take your life, give yourself the advice you would to a good friend and hope it helps. Please don't do anything stupid, there are people who will listen and help you, you just need to find them.

jesuswhatnext · 02/11/2007 14:25

darling - you are ILL, you must see a doc ASAP! DEMAND to see a new gp, if you do not feel able to do this alone, take a friend for support.

coby · 02/11/2007 14:37

I really think you need to phone the samaritans since your doctor is obviously totally crap .

They will talk to you and help you. You aren't alone feeling this way but you must fight it for your children's sake.

Just like anyone with a life-threatening illness (which is what you have) you need help and support to start to recover from this and you need it now.

Good luck and if it comes to it stick to mumsnet all weekend

charliemama · 02/11/2007 14:43

When my sister suffered crippling depression my dad took her to A&E. I agree with the other posters you need to see someone ASAP. The Dr. gave her some meds and then said she had to see the gp. It's not a solution, but it might help in the short term until you find a gp who you can trust and who will take you seriously. Depression is an illness and can be treated.

frankie3 · 02/11/2007 14:47

Please post back soon so we can see how you are.

Dior · 02/11/2007 14:49

Message withdrawn

Original poster

allgonebellyup · 02/11/2007 16:22

yes i have all these phone numbers that people keep giving me, but im not going to phone any of them.

i do want to be there for my kids but deep down i know i am a selfish shitty mother and they are best off with someone who cares about them.
my sister and her dh have already offered to care for them if anything happens to me.

i dont want to see any more doctors, they dont give a shit.
None of the ADs work for longer than a few days.

i just want to go to sleep and just not wake up. nothing drastic.

OP posts:

charliemama · 02/11/2007 16:50

please phone one.

Original poster

allgonebellyup · 02/11/2007 16:54

the last thing i want to do is talk about my problems and make myself feel worse.

i just want out.

OP posts:

moodlumtheWOOOHOOHOOhoodlum · 02/11/2007 16:58

please just go to a&e, and then let them take over, because your children need their mummy, and I promise you won't always feel like this.

Sorry - you don't know me, but if you let someone else, such as A&E take control, then you can get yourself on the right path. Or do phone the samaritans, because they might have just an idea of someone else who could help you. They are very good, and you can talk as little or as much as you want.

ChubbyScotsBurd · 02/11/2007 16:58

allgonebellyup, the Samaritans won't talk through your problems if you don't want to. They can simply get you the right sort of help to get you on the road to feeling better.

You could try NHS direct or follow the suggestion of A&E. You do need to take action now though. You may feel like a 'shitty mum' but your kids don't see you that way. Please don't let them down, get some help now.

jangly · 02/11/2007 17:14

Allgone, try to get ANGRY instead of feeling down. You have a legitimate reason to consult your doctor, you did so and you received diabolical treatment from her!
Spend the first part of your weekend writing a letter of complaint (tells you here how to go about it. Then spend the next part of your weekend going to the nearest largest town, posting your letter,and then go round the shops and buy something nice for yourself, even its just a packet of crumpets for your tea!

Remember, don't get down, get ANGRY!

Dior · 02/11/2007 17:39

Message withdrawn

Original poster

allgonebellyup · 02/11/2007 21:00

thanks for your help

i saw a couple of friends this eve and feel a lot better, but i always tend to feel better in the evenings and a lot worse in the mornings..is that normal?

OP posts:

charliemama · 02/11/2007 21:06

My mum has also suffered on and off with depression she said it was definitely worse in the mornings and got better during the day. I know its hard, but she said it was best to try and get up and do things.
I'm really glad you posted again, I've been thinking about you and I hope you get the proper help that you need, it is out there. Ignore your first GP and find one that will listen, you do not need to suffer this alone.

justbeme · 02/11/2007 21:21

Allgone - glad you're feeling better - my sister had really bad depression - her GP couldnt find AD's that worked - in the end she used her works private healthcare and saw someone who prescribed a very "strong" mix of AD's -
Her local Pharmacist couldnt believe the conncoction (sp?) - but they worked - so definately tell another GP that you're not happy with the AD's and need to find something else.
It will mean a couple of weeks of crappy time until they kick in though...

Also, I know you feel like shit now, but NO-ONE knows whats round the corner - if you'd told me 7 yrs ago when I got divorced that in 2007 I would be with a new partner (been with him 6 yrs now), living in a lovely house, and with a new baby, I would never have believed you - so the moral is - hang in there - things can only get better .

Original poster

allgonebellyup · 02/11/2007 21:26

Justbeme,im glad things worked out great for you, but i know what is round the corner and i have already had enough chances and i fuck it up each and every time.
i am my own worst enemy.
but thanks for your kind words.

OP posts:

justbeme · 02/11/2007 21:36

Have you had counselling? Your surgery can arrange for it.
Then maybe you'd learn to NOT be your own worst enemy.
I suffer from depression (not as bad as my Sis tho) - and it helped me -
I discovered that I get depressed when I have no control over things in my life. Do you know what triggers yours off?

Original poster

allgonebellyup · 02/11/2007 21:43

yes i went to counselling this week but i found the woman i had rather hard to open up to.. i just spent the hour sobbing and not being able to say much!

What we did pick up on though is that, like you, i feel depressed as i have absolutley no control over my life at the moment, ie ex going off and making someone else pregnant, me losing the house soon, divorce happening when i didnt want any of it..
i mean i finished the relationship, but then i changed my mind and asked him to return, he said NO,which i totally was not expecting..

..which got my depression rolling..

OP posts:

justbeme · 02/11/2007 21:56

Oh so sorry to hear that...
Were you're parents quite controlling as you grew up? Mine were and apparently this is to do with it. Basically the counsellor told me that there is NO WAY I can ever be in control of certain aspects in my life and I had to understand that.
I suppose you cant control how your Ex reacts can you? You're not to blame - he chose his own path etc etc
Stick with the Counsellor - it wont solve everything, but it may make you understand why you react to certain issues.
I hope this weekend isnt too awful for you - MN is great though.
Im off for a sit down now, just take "baby steps" each day, dont expect too much and try and be easy on yourself (we all beat ourselves up over things - I did earlier today, but now I dont feel so bad ) - oh god I sound cheesy now!!!

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