NC/LC with narcissistic father?

[Mylittlesandwich]

I've been receiving counselling for PND and anxiety. I've been working through CBT with my counsellor and one thing that keeps coming up is my fathers behaviour throughout the years. She's said some things that ring true. She believes he shows narcissistic traits, I've had a look online and I'm inclined to agree. She suggested that for my own mental health I should consider limiting my relationship with him.
While we've been in lockdown and I can't see him anyway I'll admit it has been much more peaceful. I take on a very different role when I'm around him, I'm very aware of saying the "wrong thing".
I'm just not sure if it's the right thing or not. My sister went NC years ago. So I'm the only one still in touch with him. I feel it's not fair of me to take that away from him, plus I have 14 month old DS. I'm also scared what his reaction might be, if I stop answering calls or messages I know he'll turn up on my doorstep and he's prone to causing a scene.
I went NC while I was pregnant and he told me later that it made him very depressed so I'm worried what the impact of a longer term thing might me. I just want a peaceful life!

Bump?

I didn't want to leave this unanswered. I have a similar relationship with my dad. One day I just stopped talking to him, and I can't explain the relief of not having to worry about what he thinks anymore. All the things you are saying are about not upsetting him, you need to think about not upsetting yourself. Best of luck.

I came to understand only in my mid-30s that my father was very much a narcissist. (I came across a website run by a woman who had also had a narc father-it all just fell into place.) My father died when I wa sin my early 40s and one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't put more distance between us many years earlier. But I also know that having a parent like this makes for massive insecurity, we find it hard to trust our own instincts and experience.

I also know that narcissists are the world's best for stirring up sympathy for themselves, presenting themselves as victims. It sounds like your father was trying to do that when you were pregnant. You are 100% entitled to cut down contact or to go NC altogether. Please discuss this more with your therapist.

As long as your dad is able to be involved, you will not have a peaceful life. And he will damage your child as well if you allow him involvement.

Big hugs, I know this is an awful situation to be in. best wishes for your continuing therapy.

I stopped ringing my dad about a year ago and I don't think he really noticed. It's amazing that after counselling I just stopped and rwally after a few months realised I was no longer feeling I had to justify myself or my decisions to him.

I think children are an inconvenience to him at best but he likes to think he's socially acceptable. He has pretty much cut us off from our wider family. I do answer the phone if he rings and will be pleasant and we normally exhange birthday and xmas but I've actively tried to reduce how much weight I give to his (negative) opinion of me.