Feeling like I'm about to explode

[squinny101]

I don't know what is going on with me at the moment, I have three children. A ds 5, a dd (terrible two) and another dd (18 weeks).

I feel like I am about to explode. I feel like I hate my daughter, when my son doesn't do what he's told, I explode at him. My baby seems to do nothing but cry and vomit. I don't have a life anymore, just an existence. At the moment, I could shut the door on all of them and walk away. My life jsut seems to be at such a low ebb and I cna't get myself out of it. I've started eating loads of junk and am now back to what I was just after I had my baby. My partner does not seem to graps what's going on he just seems more interested int he fact that he is tired and is working really hard. Do you think this sounds like depression. I am scared I am going to do one of the children an injury. Every time the two year old has a tantrum I have to walk out the room as I feel like I could really do some damage. I have no help from family they don't seem to understand how I feel. I feel like mum's on the street are judging me. I am a shit mother and I don't know how to get better. I hate the way I deal with my children, I wish I could keep my temper but I can't. I'm sorry to rant but I don't know what to do.

Aw squinny101, what you've just described sounds exactly like what I'm going through at the moment. I've got two children, and I feel like I spend my days screaming my head off. I wake up in the morning and vow to be as patient as possible, and somehow that just makes it worse. I'm probably suffering from mild depression, but I'm desperate to pull myself out of it, if I can. Perhaps someone will come along in a moment and tell us how to fix it.
Please rant away, I totally understand what you're saying.

You need to talk to someone: your HV or GP. Please give them a call. It sounds like you need some help: they won't judge you or say you're a bad mother, but there is support out there and they can help you access it.

You may be depressed, you may be 'just' tired and overstretched, but either way you need some help.

Agree with Effie.
Let's face it, there is no way out. We have kids and we're stuck there for better or worse for the first few years.
If you so low and edgy, get help. We've all been or will be there at some point.
It's good to remember your not alone and there IS help.Talk to your GP now.

squinny, I've found that walking out of the room is the best way to deal with a tantrum anyway. As long as it happens at home...

I've read Toddler Taming by Christopher Green and he talks about giving your toddler as much Grade A1 attention as you possibly can. Hard, I know, when you've got other children too, but I've been trying it, and when I can keep my cool, it works. Things generally get bad when I'm trying to juggle too many things at once e.g. I'm clearing the kitchen after a meal, DS2 starts crying (teeth), DS1 starts jumping about and grabbing everything in sight, I explode.

Another trick that sometimes works is to put some music on. It seems to have a really calming effect.

you sound a fair old bit depressed to me, with so much on your plate you need a little help, go to your gp - you are NOT a crap mum, just a bloody tired one - also remind yourself that this phase of family life is just that, a phase, in what seems like a moment your kids will be all grown up and this will fell a very distant memory.

You need to ring your GP, now, and tell him how you are feeling.

It sounds like it could be depression and that means you are ill and need help and support.

I have just spent twenty minutes crying on the phone to my mum. I feel like they are all better off without me - I'm just fucking them up. How can they ever grow up stable when I'm around screaming and shouting at them consntatly. No wonder my dd's behaviour has hit rock bottom.

Snap! but with the help of people on here and some meds things are getting better.

Get on the phone tmw to your doctor.

Sounds like you are depressed - but that's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it's a very good thing to acknowledge and start a new phase of your life from. See your GP (it will probably help if you start crying.. they tend to take these things more seriously then ).. see what help you can get. It's so important - you owe it to yourself and your children.

Don'tbeat yourself up - I'll probably be exactly the same when I have 3 of them

{{{hugs}}}

You sound very tired. And no wonder Squinny with 3 DC 5 and under and with little support who wouldn't be feeling low?

Is your 5 year old at school? I know you feel other Mum's are judging you, but that is what you think and is not necessarily true. I would really recommend trying to get out and mix with some other Mums. What about a toddler group?Get out in the fresh air to the local park to get your 2 year old tired. It may make you feel better too.

Are you in a Surestart area? If so find out what's available. They may have a creche for your toddler so you could take the baby to baby massage. There maybe a playgroup you could leave the toddler at for a few hours so you can have sometime with the baby.

Have you tried internet shopping to ease the load?

You are the best Mum your DC will ever have. You are just exhausted and I admire your honesty. None of us are supermums. Everybody has their bad days and you are having yours now, but it will get better, just hang on in there

This is an update. I tried to speak with my partner last night about it. He is away so I did it the easy way and did it over the phone. He seemed to be angry with me that I had not told him how I was feeling beforehand and said that I had been lying to him. I basically spent the whole conversation apologising. He does not seem to think there is a problem with the two year old's behaviour he just told me that I need to be more consistent with the discipline. He siad, if I was sick of the kids then why didn't I have a weekend away from them but i think he is really missing the point here.

This has not helped me int he slightest I thought he would be at least a little supportive. Anyway, I've booked an appointment at the doctors for this afternoon and have left a message on the health visitors answerphone this morning.

Will just have to wait and see what happens tonight when he comes home. I don't think he wants to be with me anymore, WHo could blame him - I would not want to come home to this.

oh squinny this sounds like a very rough time for you. Great that you have made the first steps to getting some help. There is support out there if you are persistant.
homestart can be very good and offer you some respite. Please contact them as well. You do not need to feel alone with this. 3 very young children is hard.

I hope you get on well with the GP this afternoon

I don;t read your partner's reaction as not wanting to be with you, rather that he has no idea how to help (and it's doubly hard it he;s at the end of a phone rather than speaking to you in person). Sounds liek he's trying to reassure you that there are no major problems and suggesting that you get some time to yourself (which I would jump at personally!). Talk to the GP and your HV and then sit down with your partner and talk this through. If you get any written info/website et. give the info to him to read. Many people freak out a bit when confronted with this kind of thing because it isn't something that has an obvious treatment like a broken leg. Doesn't mean he can't be supportive, but he may need more info and time.

I have registered specifically to tlk to you Squinny. I have two children DD 4 and DS 3. I left a good career which I had studied at Univ for for 7 years in order to spend my 'life' full time with the kids. In order to make ends meet a took up a night job at a local shop.

Add all these ingredients together, chuck in a DS who STILL wakes in the night and you have the ingredients for mental illness!. I totally understandwhere you are comng from and the breaking point you are at. Are we married to the same man too?!. Sounds like it.

Anyway, the day my children literayy spat there teas in my face and I turned round and smashed every one of their toys in order to stop me smashing my kids was the day I decided to get help. Went to docs - she suggested counseling I suggested that if I had 2 hours a week to myself I wouldn't be depressed. She was my point and prescribed me Prozac as I cannot do anything to physically remedy my situation until DS goes to school I just need to be able to cope with what life chucks at me.

It saved m marriage, my life, my sanity and y relationship with my kids. Yes, you feel sick and tired for a few weeks but is that so differentto how you feel now?

Your husband will never understand the bars that drop down on your windows every day, he has an escape albeit work. He hasn't ridden te rollercoaster of hormones you have over the last 5 years. You are not a shit mum - you are an honest mum doing the same as all of us, you need some help in the same way I did. Please post again tonight and let s all know how you got on at docs. Couldn't sleep for thinking about you last night - much love and big hug. x

I have been to see the doctor and she has told me that I have all the classic symptoms of depression. I did a fine bit of crying and she could see that my two year old is not particularly easy. She has prescribed me with anti-depressants and has told me to go and see her again in two weeks time. I have also spoken to the Health Visitor and I have asked for help.

My partner is coming home tonight and I am scared of what he is going to say to me. I don't want him to get cross with me over it. I am petrified of losing him as the thought of bringing up three children by myself fills me with dread. Will let you know what happens.

You have done everything you can to help yourself. Take the tablets (I ake prozac and it works for me but 'boots fit feet' as they say up north).

I did the same and tried to approach my husband to no avail. When I approached him he stuck his head in the sand and although he never said I should 'pull myself together' it was written all over him. However, within weeks I was crying less, within months I was looking foward to things. No sex drive, but for now I am happy enough to fake it for the good of the family!.

Have a loose plan of your time on the tablets. Think what practically would make you feel better and when you could realisitically do it. Don't stop them imediately and replace them with other things that make you feel good. YOU WILL get better and when your DD turns to you in 20 odd years for help you will know what she isgoing through and do everything to help her. Have faith, scream in pillows, get some exercise if you can and never ever watch supernanny she is a bitch!!!!! xx

Glad your GP was able to help. Ho dod it go talking to your GP?

Your tablets can take a while to kick in and you may find you need to alter the dose/try different meds which is why you need to stay in touch with your GP. Once you have started them, don't stop cold turkey as you have get some nasty side-effects. When you get to that stage, talk to your GP about stopping gradually.

For more info, you can contact MIND

www.mind.org.uk/
0845 766 0163
[email protected]

Your DP might find it useful as well if he's the type who likes reading up on stuff rather than talking about it.

Did your GP mention other therapies like counselling? It can be difficult to get access to this as there is a long waiting list but it can really help long-term - your HV should help you to access it and MIND can also advise.

WELL DONE for making the effort to get help. It's such an important first step and such a difficult one.

DP that is!

If it's the thought of bringing up three kids on your own that is keeping you together then maybe it's not the two year old that's the problem. Sounds like your partner is pretty narrow minded if he is going to get cross with you because you are sad.

My problem is the reverse. I work pretty much full time and hardly get to see my kids. When I do I'm tired and resent the fact that I can't relax. When they are asleep I'm upset because the time I did have with them was spent trying to control them or doing house work. My partner who works occasionally says he's to busy looking after the kids to do much of the house work so it's pretty much left to me. Again I end up resenting him for this, especially as I know he spends several hours each day on internet chatrooms. I understand that everyone needs there own personal time but wonder when mine is going to be. My life purely revolves around keeping bills paid and keeping people happy. I don't feel I live my life, more that I exist to serve.

I can't agree that work is an escape. Especially if you spend your entire time there wanting to be with your family. Yes you get away from the monotony but it's only replaced with another. From the moment I get on the bus in the morning to the moment I open the front door, is all wasted time. I could be spending it with the people I love instead I have to spend it with people I hate.

My advise would be to make sure there is no problem with your relationship that you are just masking the problem with pills. Therapy might be a better option if you feel there is a specific cause to all this.

Just a bit of an update. We spoke about it when he got home and we have had a really good chat, the reason he said on the phone he felt cross was that he said he was just upset that it had got to the stage where I had to go to the doctor to ask for help before even discussing it with him. He wanted to know if the problem wasn't really with the children but with me and him. I was in an abusive marriage (both physically and mentally) when we met and was extremely depressed. He is just concerned that I am feeling the same way and he is worried that it has something to do with him. My DD was fine at the weekend but then her brother was with his dad. The second he got home the fighting started again. I accpet its all about attention seeking but it just drives me up the wall. I dread going to bed on a Sunday night because then I know I've got a week of it when I wake up again until he can help me out at the weekends.

Gl;ad you had a good chat with DP . Have you had any joy from the HV?

I have left two messages with the health visitor but as yet she has not called back. I am going to ask about Homestart. I just want to start feeling positive again.

I'm so relieved to see your message as it makes me feel normal. I have 1 year old twins and a lot of the time i can cope with the constant attention seeking and whinging by just getting out of the house with them but i also feel a lot of the time that i could do them harm because i can't stand the noise. My partner is wonderful but also works away a lot which i think confuses the kids and so they are angels all weekend and then vile all week. I feel disgusted at myself that as a mother i can feel this way about the two most precious things in my life. I think maybe our experiences and feelings are exagerated and we do have depression but i also think we are normal. All of my friends feel like this to some degree at some point and the fact that you can admit it is a massive deal. This is the hardest, most undervalued job in the world and we shouldn't be ashamed to feel like we don't enjoy it as much as we thought we would - if this was a real job i would have walked out in the second week and this is the thing. We are in this for the long haul and that feeling of having no choice makes the whole situation worse. What i fear most is that i will regret how i feel when they are older as i know this is such a precious time - it just doesn't feel like it!
Good luck with everything and don't put pressure on yourself to be positive every day as that's impossible for anybody!! xx

Hi Squinny, glad you got chance to talk to husband, mine is going under at the moment so am holding it all together while he decides to participate in the family again.

I think I love you unyummymummy I agree 'if this was a real job I would have walked in the first week'!. If this was a real job I would have looked at the pay, conditions and hours and never applied!! XX