Mums with ADHD

[FADHD]

How do you cope?

I’m not diagnosed yet but there’s no doubt.

Struggling so much just now and every night I lie there thinking I will do better then repeat the cycle the same day. Just feel guilty all of the time, it’s eating me up.

Lockdown obviously isn’t helping!

Could you go to your GP and get diagnosed and then you will have a clear pathway to treatment. In my opinion it's better to get a diagnosis because than you know that it's not just you (if you know what I mean).

HI OP,

Sympathy. I'm pretty sure I have ADD. Never diagnosed as I'm mid-fifties and growing up, I just got shouted at a lot for being scatterbrained and disorganised.

Some things that help me:

For keeping on top of the home:
Flylady - not the whole routine - it's overwhelming. But 5 minute room rescues, 15 minutes to 'company ready' strategies, a morning routine (never mastered the evening one as I get too tired. But if you are a night owl, get a night routine instead.

My routine is:
Feed cat, kettle on, put a washload in, empty dishwasher and reload it with anything still in the sink, clean surfaces, make tea/coffee, while it brews feed birds. While I have tea/coffee I make a short list of things to do today. Not just the 'must' things but also the everyday and the nice stuff. I try to put only one 'difficult' job on each day so it isn't overwhelming.

Food - just keep it simple. If DC are eating from each main food group several times a day, you are doing fine. Mine lived on tinned spaghetti with grated cheese, peas, carrots, apple slices and yoghurts when they were little at least three times a week. They liked it. It was quick and easy.

Get out once a day. I packed a big bag with spare clothes, calpol sachets, nappies, long life snacks, water, wipes, savlon and arnica cream - a real 'any event' bag, and stored it under the buggy. It stayed put unless needed, but meant we could enjoy going out at a moment's notice as I didn't have to plan getting out of the house.

Get several sets of house-keys made and put one in your handbag, one by the front door on a hook, one in your everyday coat etc so you never lock yourself out.

I don't know if these tips help, as I am not sure what issues you have, but I was born disorganised and I know what an uphill struggle it is to try and keep your mind on track over the small things.

from me too.

I was finally diagnosed last year at 35. I’m now 11 weeks pregnant with my first child. Not sure how I’ll cope being a Mum but getting a diagnosis helped me start to understand my way of doing things and how my brain works. I have developed strategies that suit me to help me manage. I was also prescribed stimulant medication (Concerta) which really helped calm me down and dramatically reduced the constant anxiety I was experiencing in normal life. Although I can’t take them while pregnant so struggling a bit again at the minute.

A self diagnosis is valid and there are lots of resources and Facebook communities for people to share their experiences. Recognising you have it is the start to adapting your life and routine to make your life more manageable. Don’t expect to do everything and cope the way Neurotypical peaople do, and definitely don’t feel guilty! Sadly a lot of neurotypical people don’t take it seriously, assuming it’s a childhood disorder, and they can be quite dismissive of how debilitating it can be. Try and make sure you talk to those in your life to help them understand how it is affecting you.

Also if you haven’t already, ask your GP for a referral to the Adult Neurodevelopmental team for an ADHD assessment. Make sure you have examples of your symptoms and how it affects your life to hand. Unfortunately the waiting list is extremely long in most areas, but once you get a referral you can then request to be referred for a private assessment with Psychiatry UK under “Right to Choose” rules.