How do you deal with suicidal ideation?

[PodgeBod]

Its almost 4am here and my brain is telling me to walk to the nearest train station and end it all. I've tried anti depressants, the side effects are unbearable. I have post natal depression and it doesn't seem that there is any help available. I don't want talk therapy, it doesn't work. It makes me more miserable. I've reached out to family, they do not give a shit. What do I do now?

Erm, it'll sound kind of trite, but I either put up with it until it goes away, or I act on it and end up with a whole load more shit I don't need descending on me. The first one is better.

Which antidepressants have you tried and what kind of talk therapy have you tried? There's a lot of different ones of both, and with the latter, the actual person matters as much as the type of therapy.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently.
The only thing that stops me from doing something stupid is my children - a toddler and a 2 month old. Particularly the baby.
I also try to keep in mind that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

There are lots of anti depressants available. Please go back to your doctor and ask to try something else until it helps.

Please go back to your Doctor and try some alternatives. Your children need you.

Sit it out. Grit my teeth. Go to bed. Study. Read. Shower. Write down how I'm feeling: every last detail of it (paper never judges). Paint (luckily power never urges cos I'm not very good but I like seeing the colour go in the paper/canvas! 😂).

A kind of pragmatic approach is often helpful: I feel totally shit, I don't want to be here, I can't go on. All that is true. And to pass the time, I'm going to do X, even though I don't really feel like it (although sometimes actually find something I like!). Accept it, don't beat myself up for feeling this way. Obviously can't always do that as if I coukd id probably feel a lot better more if the time, but sometimes it's manageable.

With PND sometimes it's actually PTSD from the birth or things that happened around it. Might not be in your case, but if the birth was difficult for you (doesn't even mean anything dramatic happened, it's about how you experienced it) that could be a factor in this and depression counselling won't be helpful.

I'm hoping you're correctly diagnosed, but it's worth saying in case it rings some bells.

*paper never judges! Not "power never urges!

Keep talking to gp. There are lots of different anti depressants and talking therapies - as PP has said. Try and get good sleep - if there is someone who could help with the baby that would be great. I think if you are feeling suicidal it would be allowed for you to see an additional person to support (especially if they are not medically vulnerable) - talking it through with gp might be helpful to see what your options are in that department.

This might help you get some proper exercise, sleep and food, which may help your mood. If you are feeling at the end of your tether, go to a&e as they will see people in crisis situations like these (can take your baby if there is nowhere else). All the best OP.

Can you call 111, the samaritans or go to A and E tonight?

I had to try several antidepressants until I got the right ones. Some just made me feel worse. It is awful, but you are right. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and you would be doing immeasurable hard to others.

Also remind yourself that this is a medical condition....your hormones and chemistry are off. If can be fixed.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

Hey, I'm feeling much better this morning. These things always seem to pop up when I haven't had enough sleep. Definitely not suicidal and am not going to act on these thoughts- they are just intrusive and disturbing to deal with. I will try my GP tomorrow and see if I can change my anti depressants as I don't think the ones I am on at the moment are helping much. Thank you.

Glad to hear you're feeling better! Good luck with the GP.

Any luck?