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Mental health

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Original poster

I am a terrible mother

12 replies

Tiredmama84 · 02/02/2021 14:29

I feel like I’m at breaking point I can’t go on like this but I don’t know what to do.

I shout all the time. I say horrible things I made my 7 year old cry earlier because I said I was going to send him away. I hate myself I honestly think if I just killed myself my boys would be so much better off.

I’m just miserable and so exhausted. I just want to disappear. I don’t really know why I’m posting tbh no one can help me.

OP posts:

Thatwentbadly · 02/02/2021 15:04

For the sake of your boys and yourself you need to make a GP appointment and explain the school what is happening - hoped they will be able to offer your son a school place.

MagicMatilda · 02/02/2021 15:18

Do you have any support? You need to take pressure of yourself for a start and go from there. Your not a terrible mother, you are just having a rough patch, things will get better no doubt about that. Have you spoken to anyone about how your feeling? Family, friend, GP? Xx

Original poster

Tiredmama84 · 02/02/2021 15:29

My partner knows I’m stressed and has commented several times about the level of shouting in the house. He’s been working from home since March. He has a super busy job and works 7am-6.30pm mon-fri. So the home schooling and looking after our 2 year old is all on me. I’ve been on anti depressants for years but have never felt as bad as I do now. I haven’t spoken to anyone about it. It’s crap for everyone right now so I don’t want to burden anyone.

OP posts:

MaMaD1990 · 02/02/2021 15:34

First off, you're not a terrible mother. You're stressed and have no support and haven't spoken to anyone. There's a difference! Can you phone your GP and ask if your meds can be managed differently? So your partner works mon-fri, perfect for you so you can have a weekend off. Lay in, take a long bath, read a book, go for a walk - whatever you want. Your partner has to help where he can to take burden off you - simply saying the shouting has increased helps noone. Just breathe, and don't beat yourself up xx

MagicMatilda · 02/02/2021 16:36

Don’t ever ever feel like a burden, people are more than happy to help. I would be, I don’t have anything else going on!!
Your partner needs to step in and take some of the strain. Can you sit down and have a chat this evening? Make time, be completely open and honest about how your feeling.
Don’t worry too much regarding home school, your little boy is 7. In the long run will benefit more from spending time with you as a happy, healthy mum.

MagicMatilda · 04/02/2021 14:47

How are you? Xxx

AutumnVibes · 04/02/2021 18:29

Just echoing @MagicMatilda and wondering how you are? I totally get how you feel, life feels a lot like a pressure cooker at the moment and I think lots of people don’t like how they’re parenting. Just wanting to send you some kind thoughts x

StepawayfromtheBiscuittin · 04/02/2021 18:41

You're not a terrible mum. If you were you wouldn't feel guilty and post here.
Ask your partner to take some annual leave and give you a break to recharge as well as looking to the GP for some support on your meds.
Also can he book in time during the week to let you go for a walk one or two days during the day for example his lunch? He spends lunch with the kids and you get a break and fresh air?
It's very hard now OP, good luck.

Roastednotsalt · 04/02/2021 18:45

Is it home schooling that has added to your shouting? You need to do what’s best for you and your family OP. If home schooling is becoming too much speak to the school have days off.

It’s no good stressing yourself out to this point OP.

OxfordCat · 04/02/2021 19:20

You need some therapy. Get it sorted ASAP- you can find low cost and online therapy if your GP can't refer you.

Speaking as someone who's mother said those things to me as a child, yes it can damage the child and the damage can last a lifetime. I'm sorry I'm not going to sugar coat it and say you're doing amazingly. That doesn't mean I'm judging you. I understand life is stressful at the moment, but as adults and parents we have a responsibility to make sure we sort our our own shit and not pile it onto our kids. Look up attachment theory and attachment disorder if you are interested.

MagicMatilda · 04/02/2021 20:41

@OxfordCat I see where you are coming from but sometimes it’s better to say less when someone’s having an awful time. She has taken ownership of her mistake, she is not a horrible person/bad mum, she’s just having a tough time and is at breaking point.

MNHQ

EstherMumsnet · 04/02/2021 20:59

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

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