Please don't tell me to get my shit together

[Nonicknamesleft]

Prompted to write this having just wound myself up by reading an old thread on lateness. I'm a perennially late person but that isn't the subject of this post.

I don't have ADHD or dyspraxia (I'm pretty sure). However, from time to time I make myself feel a bit better by reading about 'executive function disorder'. It isn't a thing in the sense that it can be diagnosed as such, but is often associated with those neurological conditions. In the NHS, it's recognised as a product of brain injury, which I also don't have.

Nevertheless, descriptions of the characteristics poor executive function such as this.....

• Not being able to manage time well, difficulty meeting deadlines or goals and determining the amount of time that has passed or is necessary to complete a task
• Difficulty organizing and planning
• Trouble paying attention
• Trouble switching focus and shifting between activities
• Not being able to remember details
• Misplacing and losing possessions, paperwork, etc.
• Difficulty delaying response or withholding a response
• Difficulty prioritizing work or responsibilities
• Difficulty self-monitoring behavior, progress, and emotions

...... with a couple of exceptions, describe me with a disturbing degree of accuracy.

I don't know what to do with it. It's not a thing I can take to a doctor but the chaos in my head and my house is suffocating. I've been on antidepressants for years, fwiw, but I really don't think they are the cause as this has been a life-long problem.

Does this ring bells for anyone else?

I think you could and should discuss this with your gp in order to access some support. An occupational therapist would be able to work with you on strategies to cope with these kind of difficulties.

Honestly sounds like you have adhd or perhaps dyspraxia, I have combined type adhd and dyspraxia and am a walking disaster at times. You can PM me and I can direct you to some groups or a couple of books which might help you? X

@Imiss2019

I think you could and should discuss this with your gp in order to access some support. An occupational therapist would be able to work with you on strategies to cope with these kind of difficulties.

Thank you both. You've given me the confidence to ask.

Executive function struggles are very real. In women they often occur in women with undiagnosed ASD. We tend to mask really well.

Executive function issues can be addressed in surprisingly simple ways.
I get ridiculously overwhelmed by verbal instructions, so I ask that they be written down.
My dd loses papers constantly at school. Instead of providing her with the school requested folders for each subject, I got her 3 clear plastic folders (turn in, bring home, and ?) and she puts her papers in those. Then we sort as needed at home. Suddenly she isn’t losing things any more.

So it becomes a matter of identifying how your brain works differently than society demands and figuring out solutions. There are lots of professionals out there that can help with that. Eventually, You might want to seek out the help of an occupational therapist. I got lucky and realized that one of my strengths is figuring out adaptations.

Ok, I know you said don’t just tell you to get your shit together and I really don’t mean it that way. It can take some time to find the right experts, so while you are on that journey, my recommendation is to use a paper journal. Start making daily to-do lists. Have one place where you keep notes. It helps with that overwhelmed feeling. If you want to fall down a deep rabbit hole you can google “bullet journal” but you really don’t need to make it that complicated.

I absolutely would talk to your doctor about getting an evaluation. You don’t have to know exactly what you are being evaluated for to request one. The experts will look at many possible explanations of the stress you are feeling and the ways that you process information.

Actually, I know these things are only silly online quizzes but I did just see one that was an ADHD scorer for adult women. Reads like a pen portrait of me, again with one or two exceptions (eg I am ACE at remembering birthdays and anniversaries etc, and sending cards on time. Literally the only thing that ever happens in my life on time.).

Executive function difficulties can occur in a range of neurodevelopmental conditions not just in head injury. Like others have said, they are central to both ADHD and ASD. It is definitely worth raising this with your GP and ask them what adult neurodevelopmental services there are in your area. You'll likely get referred to a mental health team - they do these assessments usually

Thanks so much; again, really helpful. I have a daughter with ASD and on the basis that "it takes one to make one" (as a dad friend once put it to me about himself and his son), I have many times pointed the finger at my husband as a sure-fire case. Hmm. Better take a look at myself.

Thank you everyone for such kindness. As I said, I'd just been making myself feel hopeless by reading a string of 'get a grip/so rude' messages about people who are always late. Which, needless to say, I am, all the time, have been my entire life, including for travel, job interviews etc.....