Disassociation and mania

[Theodoreb]

When extremely manic I see myself step out of my body and watch myself do things I would never do, my psychiatrist said I'm disassociating as I find it traumatic. Just wondering if anyone else experienced anything similar or can advise me on how to stop.

Hi! Not something I've experienced so no advice but hopefully someone will be able to help. xx

Thank you

Hello @Theodoreb, I suffer with dissociation due to childhood trauma and I’m 2 years into therapy. I find it really hard - the disruption it causes to my day, and the distress of not feeling in my body.
I’m not sure I can answer your question about how to stop it, it is a learned survival mechanism usually caused by trauma but I’m guessing it can be related to being manic too. My psychologist says that my processing the trauma will help it to lessen over time.
Are you able to discuss further with your psychiatrist?

@Star8181 sorry you had such a hard time.

My psychiatrist seems to think there's nothing that can be done about it he says as I find manic episodes traumatic I'm always going too.

And he says as I'm medicated and have had therapy about childhood trauma and now only dissociate when I'm manic there is no issue as I shouldn't be getting manic enough to dissociate again.

He said also given how extreme my manic episodes are (i always hear god telling me I was created to be raped so he can eternally punish those rapists so I go out and put myself in risky situations) that maybe it's best that I dissociate amd that it may have protected my normal state of mind from further damage.

Hmmm. Psychiatrist doesn't sound great tbh.
Current medication is clearly not right if you're still having extreme manic episodes.
Disassociation is so distressing. Yes, it's a protective mechanism but it shouldn't be dismissed as "oh well, helps you not realise when you are doing awful stuff you'll regret"
I'm bipolar and v familiar with what you're describing (sympathies, it's so, so hard).
My suggestion is Google EMDR.
Learn about it. It sounds absolutely daft but I promise it helps enormously with trauma, which then has a knock on effect with the disassociation.
If you can find and afford a private psychologist qualified in EMDR , please try it.
You can do it over Zoom if necessary.
Idk where you are. I'm not in the UK, but from everything I hear, changing psychiatrist is difficult?
If you possibly could ,though, I think you need a fresh approach and second opinion on your meds.
And someone with a better attitude!
Another tip (sorry if I'm teaching my grandmother to suck eggs!) is start a journal of your moods and behaviour. It needs to be morning, afternoon and evening. Do it religiously and as it builds up, you can start to identify what might be early triggers or clues that you're going to tip into mania.
If you consciously work on identifying patterns and spotting oncoming mania you can honestly help yourself by implementing calming distractions to head it off.
You need to decide and write down what these distractions will be.
It's also really helpful if you can go through it with someone who you see regularly who may also be able to tell you signs they've noticed that you're heading for a manic episode.
Sorry for long post but you sound really distressed and I wanted to reach out.

@Eekay I haven't had a major episode in 5 years so bipolar controlled I have mild episodes lasting about a week but I always get frightened that it's going to be a proper episode I usually suffer more ups than downs and last week was very down so thinking deeply about things.

I will start a journal and I've had plenty of therapy 3 lots but was put in by psychiatrist for specific rape therapy as even outside of episodes I been a victim of sexual abuse from a young age ( my psychiatrist thinks this is why my mania manifests that way) but I walked out of therapy as wasn't able to talk about it. But may ask psychiatrist to put my name back down he said he would when I felt ready and maybe that would help do you think?

I have some residual side effects of abuse like not letting people I don't know well (only 8 including my dc) I will let touch me even if handing me a lighter I make sure not to touch them. I have been single 5 years despite being attractive and a great personality with plenty of offers as I'm always too slow to trust and get panic attacks at the thought of a boyfriend, I also will only let men I trust 100% round my kids and that trust is hard earned. So maybe I should do the therapy?

@Theodoreb i had very similar issues to you. Trauma from abuse and rape was one of my main problems and it had all kinds of negative effects including disassociation when manic (and also when not).
The EMDR was the only thing that really helped. It's trauma specific.
Also a really good psychologist helps you get into a stable state before they start the EMDR. I didn't start this treatment till I was over 40 and it's been a really long course of therapy but worth it after years and years of terrible mental health.
I'm never gonna be "cured" as I have bipolar. But I'm coping with life better and that's such a huge improvement.
I still disassociate from time to time but a)rarely and b) somehow it's not nearly as distressing, it's like I observe that it's happened but I don't fall apart with fear any more.
Good luck

Hi. I do t have the mania issue but I do dissociate. Your psychiatrist says the opposite to mine. You can help dissociation. It takes a lot of practise and I still haven’t got the hang of it but you CAN work to lessen it.

I have been working on a toolkit of grounding techniques. Things to connect me with the present and with my body when I feel like I’m not in it anymore. These are things I’m trying. Sometimes it works, other times not so much.
Learning to notice what is going on I my body before it happens.
When I feel it, push my feet into the floor really hard. Or push my back against a chair.
Sometimes doing a push-up against the wall helps. These all help connect your body with the world.
Have things that I like the feel of handy and concentrate on what they feel like.
A strong smell or taste.
Speaking out loud and saying what the date is and describing what is around me.
Making small movements and focussing on this.
Any movement - walking, swinging legs.
Deep/ slow breathing
Having a hair bobble around my wrist and pinging it to feel a sharp sting.

I think it’s pretty bad that your psychiatrist I has made you feel powerless/hopeless over this. That’s the opposite of what they’re supposed to do.

Look into grounding. Also look at the PODS website. There is so much helpful info about dissociative disorders.

Thank you @Eekay I'll ask about that therapy.

Thank you @Alittlebitlostrightnow thank you those are excellent tips for grounding myself hopefully I wont go manic again and need to use them.