Struggling with life. What do I do?

[whateverisleft]

Just that really. How do people manage to have a relatively happy and fulfilling life and cope with everything? Mum of three under 6, work part time around school & nursery hours, "run" the house, the usual sort of set up for a lot of people. But over the last couple of years I've just become a lazy, fat slob. Can't keep on top of the laundry, house is never as clean as I would like it, more clutter than I'd like, I don't take enough care of myself, I'm a shadow of my former self and have utter self-loathing and disgust for it. In the week I always think "can't wait for the weekend, I'll be able to get XYZ done then and get on top of it". But it never happens. I feel guilty that the children don't get more quality time with us, no hobbies, don't get out much at all, etc. I've got no friends, not through want of trying...I've done the playgroups, baby classes, talking to other parents at the school and doing play dates etc, but still can't find my "tribe" if that makes sense (I've moved a lot and now in a new area, well for the last 3 years anyway). This is not how I envisioned parenthood or life to be and I know what I shouldn't be doing, but how do I get out of this massive black hole?! The irony is my career has been one focused solely around organising; I can organise other people's lives but my own is a shambles! Just to add, my husband is great, he does a lot around the house, has a great work ethic etc, but to be honest he is stuck in a rut as much as I am. Just exhausted, fed up of feeling fed up and unsure what to do. I've been to the Drs some time ago but they weren't great, just told me to look after myself more. I feel lucky I have a loving family, a job, a roof over my head, etc, but I'm at an all time low and need some level headed advice on what to do because I am utterly lost.

Outsource. Nursery, cleaner. Au pair or nanny.

You don't mention how much spare cash you have floating about - don't be shy about spending some on labour

Good shout Merry. We are comfortable re cash flow, but have been focused on paying off a small debt in recent months. Littlest goes to nursery 3 days a week, but I am still trying to home school the other 2 and work from home (as are a lot of people right now I know).
Have thought about a cleaner but feel like it would be admitting I've failed at what so many people manage to do (clean their own house). No harm in seeing how it is I guess. Thanks.

Get a cleaner if you can afford it! A couple of hours a week would be soo worth the money. My dc are older now & I'm a childminder so don't really need it, (but I have very low standards)

I did a lot of decanting & rearraging kitchen cupboards in lockdown 1 & it's helped stock rotation & efficiency in the kitchen.

Small changes can help but make time for yourself. Listening to audiobooks helps me make use of dead chore time & I resent it all much less

Thank you buckeejit. I think a cleaner would be a good shout so I'll look into that (as much as COVID allows). Audiobooks are a good shout too; I used to love reading but find I'm just on my phone when I get any spare time. I know I need to give the house a good declutter so will tackle one room at a time. Thanks again :)

Cut yourself some slack Mrs!
You have 3 under 6, in a lock down... Its highly unlikely anyone with 3 under 6 in lock down is going to have a spick and span house 😂

However, maybe a few black bags could be filled with a charity shop declutter?

Also I operate a 2 basket system that really helps me keep on top of mess.... 1 basket is downstairs, filled up with laundry, or bits and bobs that need to go upstairs the other basket is upstairs filled with all the stuff that needs to go downstairs. Whenever I go up or down I take the corresponding basket and put the stuff away 👍

3 under 6, homeschooling 2... it's a survival game! You're doing fine!!!

But if you want to feel a bit better -how's your diet? Alcohol/chocolate intake? Fresh air? sleep?

Are you taking any time out to just be by yourself for a bit? Even
If it's just a Bath/walk/book while DH deals with the tiny terrors? Mummy mummy mummy ALL bloody day is draining (no matter how lovely they are).

100% get a cleaner if you can afford it, give yourself a couple of hours a week to focus on other things - I do and I don’t feel like I’ve failed x

Thank you for the kind words, reassurance and advice; so lovely of you all. I've started researching some local cleaning companies so will contact them this week. Good idea with the baskets too, I'm going to give that a try as I'm sure it'll help with me not feeling so overwhelmed.

I don't really drink, but my diet is terrible and I do not make any time for myself. Stuck in a rut and that same old cycle so going to try and pull myself together this week and at least try and change one thing, even if it's a short half hour walk by myself.

I think if we knew how hard kids would be none if us would ever have them! I had 4 under 5 and my eldest is now 8. When I think if the last 8 years, I think I was a broken zombie. I did it and it didn't affect me at the time but about 6 months ago life started getting a bit easier with the kids getting a bit independent. It's like I was finally able to breath. But along with that, I had a breakdown. I feel a lot of that was tied up in how hard and miserable it was for those years. Utterly relentless. But I'm much better now (on sertraline and quickly recovered) and am even enjoying our family for maybe the first time. It shocks Mr that they can help with tasks or that I get an hour to sit and chill sometimes.

Hang in there. If you feel you've lost control of your mood and wellness, see your GP. But I do think you're still knee deep in the hard bit.

Good grief, don't be so hard on yourself.
You're overwhelmed. I had five kids in nine years and christ, I remember the relentlessness.
I was on my knees.
Get a cleaner if you can afford it.
Please do it asap.
That's not admitting defeat, that's taking action.
See a different doctor to discuss your mental health as some are far more switched on than others.
Tell DH that you need get out for a walk regularly.
It just helps to get away, even for an hour a few times a week when you don't hear "muuuumm"

Just to pick up on what you’ve said about not getting any time to yourself... you are important, you matter. So don’t feel any guilt about taking some time to invest in you. It’s a priority, not a bottom of the list if you have time.

It’s so hard with covid but maybe when things are more normal you’d enjoy an exercise class? Even if it’s just dedicating half an hour each evening to reading a book, it’s so affirming to have time to yourself.

You have 3 young children and it has been a challenging year so it’s not surprising that things may be difficult at the moment. Be kind to yourself , if you can get some ‘real me time’ to switch off from being a mum that may be helpful .
Seeing you are good at organising others if you were your client what would you say to yourself to organise yourself? . Can you imagine the conversation you would have and give yourself some tips and write them down ?
Small things to do. I find a tick list helps me to see that I have made any progress if I have set myself an overall target split into smaller targets, but no doubt you know this.
Plus now is a tricky time to have new friends as meeting is impossible, however can you form connections with friends from the past? Since last year I have reconnected with friends from school many years ago and we zoom once a month even though it’s difficult as we live all over the world now. But it has been a real tonic to have those conversations and laughs.
I wish you all the best.