How can I get help?

[p3achnation]

Hi,

I'm going to be very open and honest. So please don't judge until you've been in my shoes.

So I split from my ex partner last august due to me being up happy in the relationship for a while, being depressed and being parents put a strain on our relationship. We grew apart and wanted different things basically.

I took it into my own hands and found the strength to leave after wanting to do so for so long. I found myself a house to rent in a area that I know of but I'm not particularly familiar with away from everything I new and my friends and family. All of this happened mid pandemic.

Fast forward 5 months I've never been so depressed in my WHOLE life and I'm struggling to hold it together. The only thing keeping my together is my daughter. Since October I've had 2 mental health crisis's. Both times mental health professionals becoming involved and eventually getting palmed off with medication and left to live my life.

So I'm taking the new antidepressants as prescribed. Started on 20mg of Fluoxetine now on 40mg. I feel no different apart from the suicidal thoughts are a lot less. My mood is still horrible, no motivation etc. I've also been off of work since my first mental health crisis in October. I was working on a cancer ward turned COVID patients with no support from management.

I also had to go from being with my beloved daughter everyday to sharing 50/50 custody with my ex. This is nice because she gets time with her dad whereas a lot of children don't get that. But I'm finding it so hard to adapt to these changes because everything I did was for my daughter she was my life.

It's like when I'm alone I don't know what my purpose is when my DD isn't there. Saying that even when my daughter is there my mood is still very low but I get by because of her.

When I don't have DD I literally sleep, don't wash/dress, don't no leave the house, hardly speak to anyone. To make it worse I've started to smoke cannabis regularly as it takes me away from my thoughts briefly.

I need to get some help, I know I'm not helping myself but I just do not have the motivation. I cant handle being on my own. I haven't been on my own since I was 16 I'm now 26.

I just need a rant and someone to tell me it's going to be ok..

Also I do have family that are paternally supportive.

Ok I get depressed when I'm at home on my own too long (I live alone) & find it hard to shower etc. I have Schizoaffective disorder. Also having problems with anxiety at work, in a hospital.

Firstly you have to stop with the cannabis as too much will make you paranoid, it happened to a friend.

Also it may interfere with the fluoxetine.
If your fluoxetine isn't enough then speak to your gp maybe you need a higher dose or a different anti depressant as there's so many to try.
You will be ok if you find the right meds & stop self medicating with weed.

Absolutely stop the weed. That won't help. It might help in the short term while you're smoking it, but the comedown will only make your MH worse.

Not all meds work for everyone. Some swear by what you're taking, but your life could be changed by something completely different. It's trial and error in many ways. Talk to your GP when you've been off the weed for a while if it's still not working.