The horrible things people can do

[Magda16]

I would really appreciate some advice. How do you deal with all of the horrible things that happen to people in the world? I’m not referring so much to things that can happen to anyone, like illness, but more violence, crime etc. I try to focus on the good out there but I struggle to come to terms with how horrible people can be to each other. I’m a history teacher and I often have to teach things like the Holocaust, struggle for civil rights in the USA etc, and the horrendous things people can do to each other makes me feel...devastated.
I’ve struggled with depression for a long time, coming to a head after the birth of my son a few years ago. I finally got help, with ADs and counselling, both of which have stopped now. I have been feeling better but there’s just this awful sadness I get thinking about the horrible things in the world.

I didn't want to read and run OP

For me, struggling to deal the bad things that happen in the world is a sign my mental health is taking a turn for the worse. Could you speak to your GP?

In the meantime, reading about the good things people do can help take the edge off (so if you're fixated on the holocaust, research people who helped refugees escape etc.).

Try to be gentle with yourself.

I work in diplomacy and start my mornings with a nice run down of every shit thing happening in the world. I also have to understand the history of countries, and like you, am depressed by how much of human history is conflict.

• As a history teacher you're hopefully helping children understand how awful things can get, and to do everything to avoid future conflict. You're one of the 'helpers'.
• Agree with PP about focussing on the 'helpers', sounds like you're already doing some of that
• Outside of the history teaching, which obviously you can't avoid, try to keep everything else as conflict free as you can, so stop doom scrolling, watch upbeat programmes read happy books.
• Look after yourself - make time every day for some time that's just for you, and if possible do something creative or exercisey to improve your mood. Or call a friend, have a bath etc.
• Before going to bed, write down 3 things that have happened that have been good/positive.

Given your mental health history it might be that the covid issues, isolation etc, that are getting everyone down, have reached a sort of trigger threshold for you, and with the history knowledge helping you catastrophise, your MH is taking a dip again. It's not uncommon. Might be time to get back on some AD for a while and access some phone/online counselling if possible (just like if you'd re-injured an old knee injury you might go back on the anti-inflammatories and see a physio).

Thank you so much for your replies. It’s interesting that both of you said it could be a sign my MH is going downhill again, and I think you’re right. Definitely have spent too much time looking at the news with what was going on in USA and lockdown here. Must try and stop that. I’ve booked myself in for a counselling appointment next week. Thank you for your help

Hi OP, I'd also agree that getting overly down about historical events isn't a great sign for mental health. I know for me when I start getting really down about all the rubbish in the world it is a very clear warning sign.

Specifically re people doing rubbish things, one thing that unexpectedly helped me with that is understanding a little bit of what makes people do rubbish things. Eg if you look at people on death row in the US, yes a lot of things they have done are abhorrent. But then when you look at how they have been brought up, having the most unimaginably violent and neglected childhoods, it starts to become slightly more understandable that if that's all someone has known it is going to seriously mess them up to the point where they can do things that are abhorrent. Almost without exception (having looked at a lot of them) their childhoods are close to unbelievable. Basically it takes you away from seeing them as inherently evil, to more a point of view where lots of people have good and bad in them and its circumstances often that can make one more dominant than the other. That's one example but same applies for many things in history, as I'm sure you'll know as a history teacher (not with childhoods necessarily, but that often circumstances create a situation that makes doing the right thing hard, eg that hyperinflation and a rubbish situation in Germany allowed for the rise of the Nazis). I think it helps me because humans doing rubbish things when they are put in rubbish circumstances is a bit less depressing than thinking lots of the human race are just inherently evil, or just do bad things because they've never cared about others? Basically I think most humans are more inclined to do good, and more often than not if they're not, if you look into their circumstances there's a reason that isn't just that they're horrible (not saying that makes any of the stuff you refer to acceptable or excusable). Maybe just me, not sure if I've explained it well!

I have the same problem about how the pain and suffering one human being can inflict on another or why they would do that. This is right through the ages in all parts of the world and is happening right now.

I walked away from God in my early teens because it was so incomprehensible that a supposedly omnipotent omnipresent being could allow such things to happen and people were getting away with it and doing it again over and over without payback.

All I can say is I don't have an answer for this. You can only put on blinkers and stop reading about it. I can only hope to keep my dearest safe and close. Every day I am living with them and in freedom and without pain is a bonus. It could all change in an instant.

I am very aware of how lucky and privileged I am and that is purely by infinitessimal chance.

It definitely depends how your mind works, but I find the opposite of blueshoes - especially if I’m assailed by these thoughts at night, I often pray about it, asking God to ‘comfort and heal all those who suffer’ praying that others will turn away from cruelty, and thanking God for those who make the world better and safer. It helps me to ‘let go’ of problems I can’t do much to change.
Other things that might help are making a regular donation to a charity that deals with specific issues you worry about.
Reminding yourself that even in horrendous situations people can show remarkable courage and compassion.
Remembering all the people out there working hard for the good of others, often at great personal cost. Remember that YOU are doing important work by teaching history.
Since I read Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl I feel I have a sort of bleakly hopeful perspective on human suffering.
And be kind to yourself - don’t dwell on it or seek out things that will upset you - look after yourself and your health.

One thing that helps me is listening to beautiful music. It's both cathartic and reassuring that a world that can produce such ugliness can also create something so beautiful as Bach's Double Violin Concerto, Rutter's Requiem etc.

I'm no expert, part of it seems:

the ability to take control and try to reshape the future ( for better or worse, depending on your side and ideology) eg Genghis khan, Alexander the Great ect,

A good percentage, of humans once they believe x they seem unwilling to alter there view even when presented with x evidence and it seems they would turn to war in some cases when it's countries, or if it's individuals they tend to argue with each other rather than finding common ground.

Then there the emotional reasons , greed, lust, hate ect

It seems humans are engineered with a predisposition to war or conflict in one form or another, but then again if humans ever spread into the galaxy, hopefully the human race can achieve peace with each other , because if the galaxies are full of life, who knows what wonders and horrors await.

It's a good question OP, and there's no straightforward answer.

You should know that it isn't crazy or irrational to be horrified by the atrocities people are capable of committing. It's a very real horror. At any given time, the amount of suffering being experienced is unfathomable. Children starving to death, people skinning animals alive, people torturing each other, people losing loved ones in all sort of horrible circumstances...

There seem to be four main ways of dealing with it:

1. Think about it on repeat, carry it with you everywhere you go, so that when you're talking to people you think, "You'd kill me if you were a concentration camp officer and I was a detainee, the only thing stopping you is circumstance".

2. Don't think about it. Block it out. Bombard yourself with positive things that you like, calming music, green tea, yoga. Write down things you're thankful for every day.

3. Get riled up about the injustice and become an activist.

I can't tell you which one is right for you. I personally don't recommend 1 - I did that for a long while and became very, very down. 2 is fine in moderation, but if you switch off to everything you'll end up disengaged. This is sort of fine if you're a good person and live a good life, but if you genuinely don't know what's going on in the world you'll become a bit stupid and open to manipulation. I find full-on 'number 2' people rather toxically positive at times. 3 is good for the planet, but you need to be a certain type of person. I'm not and I feel guilty that I'm not.

I sometimes wonder if the answer is a mix of the three. Do allow yourself to process the horrors of the world, but after a little bit (set your own time limit) stop, and then move onto something else, such as something you like to do or need to do.

I suspect that as with most things, it's all about balance. Yes, humans can be absolutely horrific, and unfortunately, I can't see that changing given our biological make-up. Society might change, but the susceptibility won't. On the flip side, humans can be really great, too - incredibly caring and selfless. It's worth seeking out examples of this to remind yourself.

Three ways*

The fourth was going to be 'genuinely be unable to comprehend the scale of the hurt going on in the wider world' as a lot of people are, but you clearly already do comprehend it so this isn't any good :D

Thanks so much for your messages everyone! @therearefourlights I like the suggestion of mixing 2 and 3. Mainly 2 probably but it occurred to me that donating some money to charity each month or a food bank would be a good thing to do. @EUnamechange I decided that listening to good music was good - so on drive in to school today I listened to some happy music rather than the doom and gloom on the radio and hey pesto I feel happier. Also have only checked the news once today.
Sometimes I feel I have to deliberately narrow my knowledge in order to be happy, if that makes sense. But then it is only recently, with the internet and 24 hour news, that I could widen my knowledge so much, so maybe its ok to choose ignorance (or at least a degree of ignorance) sometimes.
I think the news is really bad for me and inevitably bad news sells. I remember getting so angry/anxious about the government not partaking in the EU vaccine scheme. Turns out that was actually maybe a good idea (one of the few ones from the government I know but still!). It reminds me that so much news at the moment is speculation.
Anyway thank you everyone. I have an appt with a counsellor this week. Your replies have all been so helpful and I can see actually that this is a big warning sign I need to listen to.

Hi OP, I've not had time to read the whole thread yet but just picking up on the history side of things I suppose in some ways that is down to the curriculum being one sided to bad things that have happened in days gone by? I know there might be legitimate reason for this, in that wars were often huge events that change the shape of things but unfortunately highlighting the bad stuff does colour our view of the world. I suppose it's like news and newspapers focussing on all the bad news day in day out you start to think that life is bleak.

However there is tons of good stuff out there and tons of good things that have happened throughout history eg inventions and discoveries. It's a shame there is not more focus on these things. I know DD has just done history A level and she seemed to go from one war to another, to American Civil Rights and then Stalin's Russia. I felt depressed even after helping her with her revision never mind studying or teaching it! Try to think about the good work that people do day in and day out, I'm sure if we could measure it it would far far outweigh the bad stuff but these things don't make it to the news, a lot of it is just taken for granted. Hope you feel better for people's replies and have found some help I often feel the same myself but try and tell myself all the above.