13 year old intrusive thoughts. Don't know what to do anymore...

[Incyra]

For a few years my ds 13 has suffered from intrusive thoughts. He has pretty much gone from one thing to another. At the moment the thoughts are around worrying he will do things to spoil his life, thinking he is bad inside for doing or saying certain things, worrying he will harm his animals. He is the most gentle kind boy and wouldn't hurt a fly, he just worries he will or he hasn't looked after them well enough amd needs to feel bad for this. He also has a lot of medical worries, mainly involving cancer and checking of symptoms constantly.

He said it feels like a physical pain that's always there and when he wakes up, he checks for a moment if its a bad dream but them realised it's not. He has been sleeping lots and he told me he doesn't have to worry if he sleeps.

My heart breaks for him. We have got refused 3 times from camhs in the past few years. I paid for private therapy but it was based around CBT and it didn't work for him.

I feel like I may suggest to doctor that we try a medication to give his mind a rest. He is so tired from this now.

Does anyone have any experience of this. I hope im not alone. X

I have suffered unpleasant intrusive thoughts, at the age of 8 or 9, then again from the age of 16 until late 30s!! It was awful.
I finally told my psychiatrist about them who was treating me for psychosis & when he increased the dose of anti psychotics that I take, I found that the thoughts just stopped!
I was then diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder due to that & other symptoms.

But don't worry Intrusive thoughts can be due to a number of disorders; From Anxiety, to OCD, or something more serious like I have.

Your son sounds like a lovely & caring lad. But he does sound like a worrier, and some suitable meds are one thing to try.
He will feel so so much better without the worry of the thoughts, I know I do.

My dd is 13 and suffers intrusive thoughts and some ocd behaviours (the thoughts are a form of ocd). Hers seems to come in waves where she can struggle a lot and then other times she is fine and in control of it all. She seems to focus on health issues and death so this last year has been really tough with a global pandemic, isolation from her friends and cancelling all of her clubs (sport seems to help as it physically exhausts her and gives her another focus).
Weve tried a psychologist who helped a bit and gave her some reassurance she was normal and lots of kids have anxiety but it didn't seem to change things long term. We also have worked through several work books and self help books (what to do when your brain gets stuck is good) which helped us all recognise her anxiety for what it is. It helps that we can name it and talk about it so when she's struggling we say to her - this is your anxiety, the fear/thoughts are not real etc. We then do mindfulness and relaxation techniques to try and help her get a handle on it.
It has been such a difficult year for young people, especially those with anxiety anyway. Dd I think is always going to be an anxious personality (I am!) so will need to learn techniques to manage it and be self aware enough to recognise when its getting control of her.

I'd be really unhappy about the refusals from CAHMS.
DD is similar, was referred in 2015 and has just been referred again. They've been very helpful.
Self help books are available and definitely worth a read through.
You have my sympathies, it's really hard to watch your kids struggling with this.

CBT helped me with intrusive thoughts as an adult. I had a really good counsellor. Would it be worth another try with a counsellor.
It's great to encourage the idea that it is completely normal for our brains to feel a bit unwell sometimes and to do little things to ease them back to normal- one tip was so obvious- sounding but then I found when I actually did it, it really worked. As soon as an intrusive thought comes along, tell yourself, 'oh, this thing again- it's normal and it's fine, but think of something else...' and if you can, think of something that really makes you laugh to counterbalance it. It worked (alongside the rest of the cbt).
Hope you can access something that will help him and good luck! It really is possible to feel ok again.

My ds has had some similar issues (he’s 14). I got a book from amazon called ‘overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts‘. I found it quite helpful and we read through bits of it together.

I sympathise, I had them as a child and on and off as an adult. I still do occasionally and they can cause panic. There are various therapeutic techniques for dealing with intrusive thoughts and they do work; I know this because I put them into practice whenever one comes along.

1Label these thoughts as "intrusive thoughts."
2Remind yourself that these thoughts are automatic and not up to you.
3Accept and allow the thoughts into your mind, have compassion for them. ...
4Float, and practice allowing time to pass. The thought will float out of your mind.
5Remember that less is more. ...
6Expect the thoughts to come back again but it will trouble you less.

@Hoppyfrog

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thank you so much for your msg. I think I'm going to speak to the GP about possible medication. Its gone on too long now. X

@LizFlowers

I sympathise, I had them as a child and on and off as an adult. I still do occasionally and they can cause panic. There are various therapeutic techniques for dealing with intrusive thoughts and they do work; I know this because I put them into practice whenever one comes along.

1Label these thoughts as "intrusive thoughts."
2Remind yourself that these thoughts are automatic and not up to you.
3Accept and allow the thoughts into your mind, have compassion for them. ...
4Float, and practice allowing time to pass. The thought will float out of your mind.
5Remember that less is more. ...
6Expect the thoughts to come back again but it will trouble you less.

Thank you. I have been telling him not to fight the thoughts but to accept them. He said he can't tell which ones are ones to really worry about or not so doesn't want to let them go.

Everyone has been really kind. I will reply individually later xx

Thank you. I have been telling him not to fight the thoughts but to accept them. He said he can't tell which ones are ones to really worry about or not so doesn't want to let them go.

I think I this is one of the aspects of this problem that is really hard to deal with. You find yourself second guessing if every thought is real or intrusive.
Try and reassure your son that he's not alone, there are lots of people who have intrusive thoughts - in fact, most people do have them, but only some people become bothered by them. It's an unpleasant condition but it can be managed.

I have OCD with similar intrusive thoughts. It came on gradually when I was about 12, although signs were there before that.

Can I just say you sound like a lovely parent and it’s great he can open up to you.

Agree that medication can help and if he is diagnosed with OCD then the NICE pathway is CBT (specifically Exposure and Response Prevention) and meds. There is help out there and therapy that works.

What you said in your last post about him not being able to tell what is really real or not is really perceptive. Unpleasant intrusive thoughts can really eat away at your internal sense of self. OCD is called the ‘doubting disease’ for that reason. What helps for me is noticing whether the thought has ‘what if’ in front of it, or could have. This is usually a good indicator that it’s an intrusive thought and not to be given any attention (not push it away though, as that just makes it worse).

It is really hard though, my OCD has me going round in circles and questioning every thought - do I really want to do that? What does it say about me as a person? But that’s part of the disorder that keeps you stuck.

Finally OCD-UK are a brilliant small charity with a helpline and lots of information and resources. They’re also running online zoom peer support groups, with dedicated groups for young people.

All the best to you both.

I think it's good to let your son know that intrusive thoughts are quite common and in fact harmless for a lot of people; I wish I'd known that as a teenager as I was so worried that I was a bad person & would get shut away if I told anyone about them.

I was a relieved when I finally told my psychiatrist about the thoughts, I was in tears dreading his response yet he was so good and put my mind at rest.

I'm sure that talking about the thoughts helps lessen the fear surrounding them?

Gosh - I am where you are but have Camhs, GP and psychiatrist involved.

I agree with previous poster who said go to GP and ask for re referral. Meds do help, deffo.

Another thing is to be distracted as much as possible. My DC has to listen to music, game and watch tv sometimes but that can be overwhelming. So we have to watch it.

Quiet time does not help.

Good luck and keep posting.

Hello everyone. So sorry that its taken me so long to reply back again. I have read each and everyone of your lovely messages and appreciate it so much. I can't sleep, we reached a point last night where it all came out about how much he isn't coping, very heartbreaking to see. He said he is a bad person and feels like he should be punished for all the mistakes he has made in life so far, this is what his mind is telling him. He said he can't concentrate on his school work as thoughts are there all the time and there was just so much more he blurted out but it was scary and it was almost like he was having a breakdown. Part of me wanted to take him into hospital and get help. I'm going to request a call from the GP. It really started to peak in year 6 and we are in year 9 now. I really think some medication to calm his thoughts would help but DH is adamant that is not the way forward.

Again, thanks so much. Also I know I haven't replied to every individual one yet but I have read every single one. X

Did you manage to speak to the Gp?

@Dontjudgeme101

Did you manage to speak to the Gp?

Yes I have. He has referred us to CAHMS but said the waiting list is huge. I have doing a private therapist who specialises in OCD and we are going to see her online on Tuesday X

That’s brilliant news. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. 💐

Hi @Incyra I’m right here with my 12 year old son. It’s come on v suddenly. How did you get on with cbt? X